A Simple Misunderstanding
by Ieva
Summary: When a girl gets interrogated by the Agents, a simple statement causes a huge misunderstanding that leads to one heck of an adventure. Rated for language. COMPLETE
1. Interrogation

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Matrix. Only Girl, and I can't sell her, can I?_

_And now we begin this delightfully humorous (and completely OOC) tale of one girl's adventures with the Matrix (before Neo was known to exist, by the way).  Our story will begin, of course, with Chapter #1.  Today's chapter is brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department, who is bringing you today's chapter today._

**Chapter 1: Interrogation**

_It was a fairly normal day at the mall.  Two Agents, Agent Bob and Agent Bill, stood by a fountain, searching for any Rebels or anomalies.  Suddenly, a teenage girl who had been digging through her bag and walking at the same time crashed into one of them._

Girl: Ah, gomen nasai!  Sorry! *bends to pick up bag distractedly*

Agents: *stony silence*

Girl: *looks at them* Hey, my friend said that if I saw people that looked like you, I should walk up to them and say 'Deja vu'.

Agents: *turn heads to look at each other simultaneously*

Girl: I don't know why, something about the Matrix and Agents.

Agent Bob:  Come with us.

Agent Bill:  Resistance is futile. *both grab girl's arms and start to lead away*

Girl:  Ummm…okaaaay.

**Later…**

_The Agents lead the girl into a big building and into a white tiled room with a desk and chairs.  They tell the girl to sit down, and she does._

Agent Bob:  Tell us what you know.

Girl:  About what?

Agent Bill:  The Matrix.

Girl:  I don't know what it is, for a start…

Agent Bob:  Resistance is futile.

Agent Bill:  We know you know something.

*another Agent walks in*

Agent Bob: Ah, it's a good thing

Agent Bill: You're here, Smith.

Girl: *gasps* IT'S ELROND'S LONG LOST TWIN BROTHER!!!

Agents: …

Agent Smith: My name is Smith.  Agent Smith.

Girl:  I know who you are!  My friends talk about you all the time!  Agent Smelrond!

Agent Smith: _Smith_.  My name is _Smith._

Girl: Not anymore it's not.

Agent Bob:  She can alter the Agents of the Matrix?

Agent Bill:  She must be the One we've been searching for.

Agent Smith:  I will take it from here.

Agents Bob and Bill:  Right. *leave, the door clicking ominously shut behind them* 

Girl:  Sooo…

Agent Smith:  Resistance is futile.

Girl:  I know that already, the other two have said it at least 50 times already. 

Agent Smith:  What do you know about the Matrix?

Girl:  Ummmmmmmmmm…42?

Agent Smith:  Resistance is futile.

Girl:  The next person who tells me that is going to be whomped.  Hard.

Agent Smith:  Resistance is futile.

Girl:  ARGH!!! *head erupts in anime flames* Don't say I didn't warn you. *holds up arm as if to punch Smith's face* 

Agent Smith:  You cannot hit me, it is impossible.

Girl:  *kicks him from under the table*

Agent Smith: OW!  NOT FAIR!

Girl:  *grinning smugly* All's fair in love, war, and kicking weird guys in sunglasses.

Agent Smith:  Resistance is…* notices flaming evil death glare from girl*…or not. *mutters to himself* Bloody teenagers… 

Girl: *mutters as well* Baka…

Both:  *glare at each other*

Girl:  Can I go now?

Agent Smith:  Not until you tell me what you know about the Matrix.

Girl:  Absolutely nothing.  You know, I can see why my friends don't like you.

Agent Smith:  AHA!!!  Your friends must be Rebels!

Girl:  We-ell…

Agent Smith:  Yes?

Girl:  One time we were talking about whether we'd want to be Rebels or Agents, but I didn't say anything because I had no clue what the heck either of them _were…_

Agent Smith:  And… *motions for her to continue*

Girl:  Most of them said they'd be Agents based on food quality and fighting ability.

Agent Smith: *inwardly bashes head against a hard surface* That will be all…for now.  Later there will be proper interrogation…implements, shall we say.

Girl:  Implements?  Will any of them be pointy and shiny?

Agent Smith:  Er, YES!  Lots of them will be very pointy! _I have her now…_

Girl:  Pointy shiny things are fun!

Agent Smith: *sighs* I will be back. *leaves girl locked in the room*

~~~

_A/N: Ah, the first chapter.  And in case you're wondering if I'll just forget about this fic halfway through and leave it to rot forever like some of my other fics (I'm working on them now, I swear!) …well, I've already finished writing it.  So look for updates every 4 days at the absolute latest, and review, review, review!  And keep in mind; for until about the middle of next week I'm having semester exams, so the updates might be a teensy bit late a few times._


	2. Escape

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Matrix or anything associated with it (except for 'Girl')._

_And now, we find ourselves back with Girl, who last time was left in one of the Agent's prison cells *gasp*, because the Agents think that she's the One, which she isn't.  She has no clue what is going on, as she has not seen The Matrix, and only has her friend's idle talk about it to go on.  But wait, it gets worse in Chapter 2 of this adventure, which is brought to you by Ever Annoying Songs Inc; "They never cease to annoy everyone around you, guaranteed!" _

**Chapter 2: Escape**

Agent Bob: You know that girl we caught yesterday?

Agent Bill: Yeah.

Agent Bob:  Well, she's in her cell yelling about something.

Agent Bill:  What's she yelling?

Agent Bob:  She wants chocolate.

Agent Bill:  You mean she's locked in a cell and all she can think about is _chocolate?!?_

Agent Bob:  Apparently.

Agent Bill:  I think we made a mistake bringing a teenage girl in here.

Agent Bob:  No kidding.

**Back in the cell…**

Girl:  I'm hungry, dammit!  I want some _chocolate!_

Agent Jim (guarding door):  I already told you NO!

Girl:  Can I have some DVD's to watch then?

Agent Jim:  NO!  

Girl:  But I'm bored!

Agent Jim:  Tough.

Girl:  You wanna play tough?  Okay then…

Agent Jim:  What do you mean, 'play tough'?  I'm on the other side of an impenetrable door, in case you've forgotten.

Girl (off key):  I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES EVERYBODY'S NERVES EVERYBODY'S NERVES!  I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!  I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES EVERYBODY'S NERVES…

Agent Jim: I'm not listening you can't make me!

Girl (off key):  10 MILLION BOTTLES OF A NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE ON THE WALL 10 MILLION BOTTLES OF A NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE!  TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT AROUND 9 MILLION 9 THOUSAND 9 HUNDRED AND 99 BOTTLES OF A NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE ON THE WALL!

Agent Jim: *clutches ears in agony* OKAY!!!  YOU CAN HAVE SOME BLOODY CHOCOLATE!!!  JUST STOP SINGING!!!

Girl:  AND INUYASHA DVDS!

Agent Jim:  NO!

Girl (off key):  THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS…

Agent Jim:  FINE!!! *creates mound of chocolate and some Inuyasha DVDs inside cell*

Girl:  I need a TV to play the DVDs!

Agent Jim: Too bad, kid.

Girl (off-key): ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO MEEEEEE A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!  ON THE SECOND DAY OF  CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO MEEEEE TWO TURTLEDOVES AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!  ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO MEEEEE THREE FRENCH HENS TWO TURTLEDOVES…

Agent Smith: *walks over and shouts over the singing* What the hell is going on here?!?

Agent Jim: *shouts back* She keeps asking for stuff!!!

Agent Smith: *shouts back* Don't give her anything!!!  She's a prisoner!!!  Just tune out the singing!!!

Agent Jim: *shouts back* How?!? *curses, because Smith had already run off with his hands over his ears*

Girl (still singing off-key):  ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO MEEEEEE *gets louder by at least 10 decibels* **FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOOOOOOOOLDEN RIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS *goes back to normal ear-piercingly loud voice* FOUR CALLING BIRDS THREE FRENCH HENS TWO TURTLE DOVES AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!  ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO MEEEEEE…**

Agent Jim: How many days of Christmas _are there?!?  I don't know if I can take much more!!!_

_Some time later…_

Girl: AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Agent Jim: She finished and I'm not deaf!

Girl: IN THE FIRST CHAPTER OF LORD OF THE RINGS TOLKEIN WROTE ABOOUUT ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL!!!  IN THE SECOND CHAPTER OF LORD OF THE RINGS TOLKEIN WROTE ABOOUUT TWO JEALOUS RELATIVES AND ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL!!!  IN THE THIRD CHAPTER OF LORD OF THE RINGS TOLKEIN WROTE ABOOUUT…

Agent Jim: *muttering with hands over ears* Tune it out…tune it out…tune it out..

Girl: IN THE FIFTH CHAPTER OF LORD OF THE RINGS TOLKEIN WROTE ABOOUUT **FIIIIIIVE RINGWRAITHS ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIRE **FOUR FUNNY HOBBITS THREE BAGS OF MUSHROOMS…

Agent Jim: *creates TV and DVD player too, then runs away screaming*

Girl:  Yay!

_Suddenly, an alarm goes off all through the building.  Girl is annoyed, as she is watching Inuyasha and anyone who interrupts Inuyasha-watching must die. Two green heads start to come through the floor, and solidify into two identical albino men with white trench coats and dreadlocks._

Girl:  That's a nice trick.

Twin Two:  Us, why does everyone say that?

Twin One:  Perhaps because it _is_ a nice trick.

Girl:  I know who you are too!  You're the Twins!

One:  That is correct.

Two:  Wait, you know who we are _too_?

Girl:  I also recognized Smelrond!

One:  Smelrond?

Two:  How do you know who we are?

Girl:  Well, since my friends are completely obsessed with you, I _should_ know.

Two:  Someone is obsessed with _us_?

One (muttering):  Smelrond…who is Smelrond…

Girl:  Yeah, they can even tell you apart.  So, why are you here?

Two:  You.

Girl:  Why me?

Two:  We heard that you were the One.

Girl:  The one what?

Two (starts singing):  The one with the power.

Girl (sings too):  What power?

Two:  The power of voodoo!

Girl:  Who do?

Two:  You do!

One: *snaps out of reverie* We swear if we start singing that bloody song, we'll _kill_ us!

Two:  Sorry us!  Anyway, come on girl, we've been sent to get you.

Girl:  Only if I can bring my chocolate.

One:  Whatever, come on.

Two:  *blasts through the door*

All three: *run down and get in the Twin's car*

**Later at the Merovingian's mansion…**

Girl:  Ooooo…pretty…

One:  We're back, sir!

Merovingian:  *walks in very stately-ish* Did you get ze girl?

Two:  Yes, sir.

Girl:  Who's that?

Merovingian:  I am ze Merovingian.

Girl:  Merovingian…that name rings a bell somewhere…

Merovingian:  But ov course, mozt people 'ave heard ov meh.

Girl (musing to herself):  I don't think it was a very good bell, either…hmmm…French something something, I think…

Merovingian:  Ah, French, it iz mah favorite language. *places hand on girl's shoulder*

Girl:  The French…MIROKU POSER!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *slaps the Merovingian*

Merovingian: Quel l'enfer?!?!?!

Girl: *curled in fetal position on floor, rocking slowly back and forth* Miroku poser…I'm trapped with a Miroku poser…I'm gonna _die…_

Two:  *pokes girl's head* Are you okay?

Girl:  MIROKU POSER!!! *goes back to muttering*

Merovingian:  I sink zat zere iz somesing wrong with her.  Oh, well, it iz not an issue ov much importance in mah 'everysing revolves around meh und mah little causality obsession' happy place.  Show her to her room.

One and Two (simultaneously):  Yes, sir. 

~~~

_A/N:  I am having so much fun with this, can you tell? And no, Girl is not me. She is only extremely heavily based on me. I know _some_ stuff about the Matrix or I would not be writing this fic, now would I? Thanks to megami no inazumi for helping me out with the Twins and Mero!  And super mega ultra kudos to anyone who figured out what song Girl was singing with Two and where it came from. ^_^_


	3. Meeting

_Disclaimer: Because I am dead today, this disclaimer will be dead as well. I own nothing. There. Dead disclaimer._

_Now to answer everyone's questions and such:_

_Alocin: Sorry, I forgot that people might not understand some of the stuff I allude to. Baka is Japanese for 'stupid', and Miroku is a character on the anime Inuyasha. He's basically this really perverted monk, so my friends and I call the Merovingian the French Miroku Poser._

_Citti Kitty Monroe: And the super mega ultra kudos goes to you for knowing what song it was! *throws confetti* Thank you for your presents, yay! *eats chocolate and watches DVDs*_

_And so we find ourselves moving onto the next chapter of Girl's strange and humorous tale. In the last chapter, she annoyed the Agents no end until she (or they, depending on your point of view) was rescued when she was taken away by the Twins and brought to the Merovingian (aka the French Miroku poser), just because of a little teensy misunderstanding that caused the Agents to think that she was the One, which they in turn broadcasted to the Rebels because they like to brag.  Then the Rebels broadcasted it everywhere because they're stupid like that.  However, she is actually not the One, just a highly unlucky teenage girl.  At the moment she is trapped inside the Merovingian's mansion.  She is waiting to meet with him a second time, and the Twins are guarding her.  However, he is quite late, and Girl is getting bored.  And now for the Third Chapter, brought to you by French Cursers Anonymous; "Merde rein l'enfer alors!"_

**Chapter 3: Meeting**

Girl (bouncing rubber ball against long meeting table repeatedly): How much longer have I got to wait for the stupid Miroku poser to show up?

Two: As soon as he finishes some important business.

Girl: Like what?

Two: Ummm…say, us, what _is_ he doing?

One (reading magazine):  Not a clue.

Two: Somehow, we'd think that the One would be the most important thing.

One: Since when has he ever made any sense?

Two: Good point.

_There is silence for a while, only interrupted by the sound of the ball hitting the table and the occasional page turn from One_

Girl: Either of you got any cards?

One: Nope.

Two: We know where some are. *ghosts through floor, coming back a minute later* Here.  What do you want with 'em?

Girl: Something that doesn't involve a rubber ball.

Two: Oh.

Girl:  Say, do you know how to play Egyptian Wrath, by any chance?

Two: No, how do you play?

Girl:  Take the cards, deal them all out so everyone has an equal number like this *deals cards to herself and Two*, now I put the top one down, and it's a four.  Now you go. *Two puts card down* okay, a two.  Now I go…and it's another two! *slams hand down onto the cards*

Two (looking surprised):  What was that for?

Girl:  It's a double, first one to slap it gets it.  You have to get all the cards to win.

Two: Okay…*puts down card*

Girl:  So it's a Queen, now I have to get another face card in the next two cards, or you get the whole pile.  With Jacks you get one chance, Kings you get three, and Aces you get four. Okay…*lays card, a Jack* Ha! Now you get one chance.

Two: Right…*lays another Jack and jumps as girl slams palm on the pile*

Girl:  You've gotta be quicker than that!

Two:  Any more rules we should know about?

Girl: Nope.  But if you don't get faster, my winning is gonna be a rule.

_They continue to play, and after a while even One joins in.  The game went one for another hour, the Twins had their speed and Girl had her skill, and there wasn't much headway going on.  But then the Merovingian came in and wrecked the fun.  Stupid Merovingian._

Merovingian:  What ze hell are you two doing?

Twins (startled):  Nothing sir, nothing at all.

Merovingian:  Good.  Take your seats, all ov you.

Girl:  I'm already in my bloody seat.

Merovingian:  Shut up, you stupid girl.  Zis is a matter ov great importance.

Girl: Well then why were you two hours late?

Merovingian:  It iz not your place to question meh.

Girl:  Whatever.

Merovingian:  It haz come to mah attention by way of ze network zat you are ze One zat everyone haz been searching for.

Girl:  Everyone keeps saying that.  I wonder why?

Merovingian:  Possibly because it iz true, do you sink?

Girl: *shrugs*

Merovingian:  Anyway, becauze you are ze One, you are ov great use to meh.

Girl:  How so?

Merovingian: It gives meh control, und I like control.  Especially over zose idiot Rebels.  Zey would crawl and beg before mah feet if zey were to see zat I have ze One.  What do you sink ov zat, eh?

Girl: I 'sink zat' you need medication or perhaps some serious therapy.

Merovingian: You are trying mah patience, girl.

Girl: Yes, I'm very good at that.

Merovingian:  I see.  Perhaps you would like to be locked up downstairs with ze Keymaker?

Girl:  You've got a guy that makes _keys_ locked in your basement?  How insane _are you?_

Merovingian:  You are trying mah patience.

Girl:  You already said that.  Are you going to start acting like those walking clichés in suits who repeat the same thing over and over until their enemies heads explode?

Merovingian:  Eh?

Girl:  If you didn't get it the first time, I'm not going to bother repeating it. 

One (telepathically speaking to Two): _We're starting to like her._

Two (also speaking telepathically): _We mean we didn't already?_

One:  _Earlier she was just annoying._

Two: _We didn't think so._

One:_ Only because she somehow knew the same stupid song from that weird movie that we did._

Two: _Hey, we _like_ that movie._

One: _We don't understand us sometimes._

Two: _Neither do we._

One: _Boy, the Merovingian sure is getting annoyed._

Two: _We wonder how much longer it'll take before he cracks and starts randomly cursing in French?_

One: _At the rate she's going?  About a 30 seconds, give or take a few._

Two: _Oh, there he goes.  She's good, that's a new record._

One:  _Since when has there been a record?_

Two: _Since right now._

Merovingian (waving arms around):  Merde merde saluade rein merde mon dieu merde merde l'enfer rein alors!!! 

Girl: Whoa…you must have had some French teacher.

Merovingian:  I didn't rein learn French from any l'enfer teacher!  I should rein give you to the merde cooks and have them make you into a merde pudding! *stomps out of room, randomly cursing out people that pass him in the hall*

Two:  Well, that was an interesting show.

Girl:  Yep.

One:  Wanna rematch in Egyptian Wrath?

Girl:  'Kay. *begins dealing out cards* 

~~~

_A/N: Thanks much to megami no inazumi again for helping me with the French cursing!_


	4. Temple

_Disclaimer: Oh, this one is longer than usual.  Not only do I not own the Matrix, but I also don't own Final Fantasy or any of the Legend of Zelda series.  Wow, two whole extra things to disclaim.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow, the stupidity of these repeated disclaimers has fried my brain cells.  Wow._

_And now to reply to all of your wonderful reviews:_

_Citti Kitty Monroe: And you would be right about that.  I didn't think that anyone would actually know what the heck I was talking about.  What's your sister's pen name, I would love to read her parodies.  And no, there aren't any Agents in this chapter, but starting with chapter 6…wait…THERE WILL BE NO PLOT REVEALING!  MUAHAHAHA!!!_

_Twins-Vs-Claire: Heh, someone else who likes that movie.  I know more about the Twins than any other characters, of course I'd put them in my fanfic!_

_Agent Josey: Ooooo, you're good.  In an evil way.  PARADOX!!!_

_In the last chapter, Girl had a very…_interesting_ meeting with the Merovingian, eventually ending when he cracked and started randomly cursing in French.  Girl and the Twins have moved to a different room, and are now playing video games.  Or rather, Girl is playing and the Twins are watching and yelling advice.  The Merovingian has not bothered them since the fateful meeting of Chapter 3, meaning that they were all in a good mood.  But unfortunately, it was not to last (And in this chapter it is very important to remember that Neo has not been found by anyone yet.  And might I also add that, because I couldn't fit them in without creating gaping plot holes, Tank and Dozer have not joined the Nebuchadnezzar yet).  Dna won rof Retpahc 4, thguorb ot uoy yb Eht Sdrawkcab Bulc; "Sdrawkcab si tseb!" _

**Chapter 4: Temple**

Two: Use your magic!  Use your magic!

Girl: Quiet!  This is hard enough already and I keep pushing the wrong buttons!

One: Hit it in the eye, quick!

Two: No wait not ye…never mind *looks unhappily at the Game Over screen*

Girl: I hate these sort of bosses.  Unless you hit them at exactly the right time you die instantly.  Oh, well, what game next?

Two: Final Fantasy!

One: Which one?

Two: We don't know, any one.

One: They're all completely different, we have to pick.

Two: Never mind, let's play Ocarina of Time instead.

Girl: Okay, I'm semi-good at that one! *puts in game cartridge and begins to play*

_The three are all so engrossed in the game that they do not notice the ominous human-shape sitting in one of the trees near the window._

Trinity (talking into cell phone): I've located the One, now what?

Morpheus (from phone): You must get her out of there.

Trinity: But she's being guarded.

Morpheus: Well, fight the guards, then!  Break through the window and pose in a cool manner, you know the drill!

Trinity: Right. *breaks through the window and poses in a 'cool' manner* I've come to rescue you.

Girl (completely engrossed in the game): That's nice.

Two: Go away now, we're in a Temple.

Trinity (slightly put off):  I _said_ I've come to rescue you!

Girl: You have the guidebook with you?

Trinity: No! I mean rescue you in real life!

Girl: Real life?  What is this 'real life' that you speak of?

One: That's a pretty funny statement coming from one of you people.  *turns back to the game* Go left!  No, other left!

Trinity: Hey, is that Ocarina of Time?

Girl: Yeah.

Trinity: Ooooo, I wanna watch too!

Two: There's a whole bunch of extra beanbag chairs over in the corner.

Trinity: *drags beanbag over and starts watching and yelling advice as well*

Morpheus: Trinity?  Are you there?

Trinity: Not now, we're in the middle of a Temple.  The ladder!  Go up the ladder!

**Meanwhile, on the Nebuker… Nebuchanzer…whatever, Morpheus' Ship:**

Morpheus: It seems that Trinity has been hypnotized.  We must now rescue her _and the One.  Who will go?_

Cypher: I'll go!

Morpheus: No, you can't go because you're too creepy to be allowed anywhere.  Back to your room!

Cypher: Yes, sir *trudges to room*  

Switch:  I'll go!

Morpheus:  All right, get plugged in.

**A few minutes later back at the Merovingian's mansion:**

Switch: I've come to rescue…hey, is that Ocarina of Time?

Trinity: There's beanbag chairs over there.  Get the treasure chest!  Get it before the boulder comes back!

**One hour later back on the Unpronounceable, Unspellable Ship:**

Morpheus:  Okay, so Cypher and I are the only remaining crew members that have not been hypnotized, and we've only got one chair left.  Great.

Cypher: I can go!  I can go!

Morpheus: No, sorry, you're too creepy.  I guess that I will have to take the risk to save the One…and my crew.  I must enter…the Hypnotic Gameroom of Doom! *dundunduuuuuun*  

**Back at the mansion:**

Morpheus (wearing helmet over eyes): Now I won't fall to the same fate as my crew! *runs into tree* I'll fall to a worse one…*eventually gets into room somehow* I've come to rescue _all_ of you!

Mouse: Not now, Morpheus!  We're in a Temple!

Girl: And it's hard enough without all of you people coming to rescue me!

Apoc: Kill the Skulltulla!

Switch: The medal fell over there!

Trinity: Cut the monster's head off!

Mouse: Use your bombs!

Two: Watch out for the boulder!

One: Use the Grappling Hook!

Morpheus: But we have to save the One!

Girl: No saving me until I've finished the Temple!

Morpheus: But wha-

Everyone: Ssshhh!

Morpheus: But-

Everyone: Quiet!

Morpheus: B-

Girl: SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP, DAMMIT!!!

Merovingian (walking in suddenly to see what all of the noise was about): Quel l'enfer?!?  Why are all you people in mah house?!?  Where did you come from?!?  And mozt importantly, why are not ze Twinz kicking you all out ov here?!?

Two: In a second, sir.  We're in a Temple.

~~~

_A/N:  Don't we all love_ _Ocarina of Time?  Thanks again__ to megami no inazumi for her help with Morpheus' crew's names.  And I would have updated yesterday, but they decided to disable the school internet servers during finals.  Rawr._


	5. Yellow Pill

_Disclaimer: We've already been through this; I don't own anything or anyone except Girl._

_When we last left Girl, she was playing Ocarina of Time in the Merovingian's mansion.  Trinity came to 'rescue' her, but instead began to watch her play, along with the Twins.  After Trinity came Apoc, Switch, and Mouse, who also began to watch rather than rescue anyone.  Stuck with only Cypher the Creepy on board, Morpheus came to rescue everyone wearing a helmet over his eyes to keep him from being 'hypnotized' by the game.  Then the Merovingian came in, and the chapter ended.  So without further mindless prattle, here is Chapter 5, wh1ch h45 b33n br0ugh7 70 u by L337 U53r5 Un173d; "Ph33r 0ur m4dd l337 5killz!!11!"_

**Chapter 5: Yellow Pill**

Merovingian: What do you mean 'you're in a Temple'?  Get zese idiot Rebelz out ov mah house!

Two: In a second, sir, she's almost finished.

Trinity: Yeah, we'll leave when she's done.

Morpheus: But what about rescuing the One?

Girl: Not until I've finished the bloody Temple!  Besides, I don't think I need rescuing.

Merovingian:  Und I got to her firzt.

Morpheus:  But we need her to destroy the Matrix!

Merovingian: Az I am _part_ of ze Matrix, I don't feel particularly inclined to help you.

Girl: I still have _no clue_ what the Matrix is, and I don't really care what happens to it, actually.

Merovingian: So zere.  She wants to stay with meh.

Girl: I never said that! *mutters* Bloody Miroku poser thinks he rules the bloody universe…

Morpheus: See, she doesn't want to stay with you either!

Merovingian: Well, who else iz zere?  Ze Agentz?

Girl: You mean the walking clichés in suits?  I definitely don't want to stay with them.

Trinity: Watch out for the boulder!

Girl: Gah!  Now look what you made me do, I lost a whole Heart Point. *glares at Merovingian and Morpheus*

Morpheus: If you don't want to stay with the Agents, the Rebels, or the Merovingian, then who do you want to stay with?

Girl: I'll stay with the Twins.  They're the funnest people I've met on this whole bloody…thing.

One: Technically we're not people…

Girl: Whatever you are then.

Merovingian: But ze Twinz work for meh!

Girl: Yeah, but if you don't come near me I can pretend otherwise.

Morpheus: I can't believe this.

Girl: Believe it.  Yay!  I'm at the boss!  Everyone who's not giving advice will now shut up!

Morpheus: *grumble glare grumble*

Two: Go for the tail!

Switch: Dodge the fireballs!

One: Shoot it in the eye!

Apoc: Jump in the water!

Mouse: Use your potion!

Trinity: Throw a bomb in its mouth!

Girl:  I WIN!!!

Everyone except Mero and Morpheus: YAAAAAAAAY!!!  SHE BEAT THE TEMPLE!!!

Morpheus: Now we can rescue her!

Trinity: *snaps back into character* Wait, what is everyone doing here?  I thought I was going to rescue the One!

Switch: You were, but then something happened and I had to rescue both of you.

Mouse: And I had to rescue all three of you.

Apoc: And I had to rescue all four of you.

Morpheus: And I had to rescue everyone and leave Cypher in charge!

Mouse: Why are we sitting on beanbag chairs?

Switch: Why aren't we fighting the Twins?

Apoc: Why aren't we being all cool with our guns and stuff?

Trinity: Why aren't we rescuing anyone?

All:  AND WHY DID YOU LEAVE CYPHER IN CHARGE OF THE SHIP?!?!?

Morpheus: I don't know!  But we can fix this!  We can rescue the One, be cool, fight the Twins, and get Cypher out of charge all at once if we hurry!

_And so Trinity carried Girl out the window, Apoc fought the Twins, Switch ran around looking 'cool', and Morpheus and Mouse went back to the ship and put Cypher the Creepy in solitary confinement._

**Later at some old, decrepit house…**

_Trinity and Girl are waiting impatiently for everyone else to show up._

Girl: But I wanted to stay with the Twins!

Trinity: Too bad.  You know what you are.

Girl: Actually, I have no idea.

Trinity: Here's some hints.  Three letters.  Ends in 'e'.  Means you have secret super special powers.

Girl: I'm a _Sue_?

Trinity: No!  You're the One!

Girl: I wish someone would explain this 'the One' thing to me.

Trinity: When everyone else _finally gets here, everything will start to make sense._

**Even more later when everyone else was there…**

Girl: Everyone's here, but I'm still clueless!  What gives?

Trinity: Patience.

Girl: I have none.

Trinity: *sigh*

Morpheus: Okay, I'm ready, everyone else leave now.

Everyone except Morpheus and Girl: *leave*

Morpheus: I know you've read Alice in Wonderland, haven't you?

Girl: Nope.

Morpheus: Well, have you seen the movie?

Girl: Who hasn't? *sees Morpheus' non-understanding* That would be a yes, Rabbit-Droppings-For-Brains. 

Morpheus: Do you sometimes feel like Alice?  Tumbling down the rabbit-hole?

Girl: *arches eyebrow* Noooo…

Morpheus: Oh, well, that doesn't matter.  What matters is, you now have a choice to make.

Girl: *sigh* Figures.

Morpheus: You can either take the blue pill *withdraws blue pill from pocket* and wake up in bed tomorrow not remembering any of this.  Or you can take the red pill *withdraws red pill from other pocket* and you stay in Wonderland…and see how far the rabbit-hole goes.

Girl: That little allusion made no sense whatsoever.

Morpheus: Well, I can't tell you what I did mean or I'll spoil the dramatic-ness.  Choose red or blue.

Girl: But I don't like either one.

Morpheus: You still have to pick.

Girl: Okay, ummm…YELLOW!!!

Morpheus: Yellow?  What does that one do?

Girl: It means that I get to leave without taking any stupid brightly-colored pills.

Morpheus: That choice disappeared when you chose to come here.

Girl: I didn't bloody choose!  I got dragged here by Miss Shiny-Leather!

Morpheus: That no longer matters.  Now choose.

Girl: I'm sticking with yellow. *runs to door and opens it, but everyone else falls on top of her as they had been listening with their ears pressed against the door* Ouch…or maybe not…

Morpheus: Just pick.  Red or blue, _no yellow_.

Girl: Okay, fine. *glares at Morpheus* I pick blue.

Morpheus: *looks stunned* Hey, you're not allowed to pick blue!

Girl: You gave me a choice.

Morpheus: But…you're the One…and nobody _ever picks blue!_

Girl: So?

Morpheus: Don't you want to free your mind?  

Girl: If freeing my mind means I'm stuck with you nutcases for all of eternity, then no.

Morpheus (to himself): This is _not turning out how I expected at __all._

Girl (to Trinity): Dammit, Leather Girl, this still isn't making any sense!  You said it would all be clear!  And guess what?  I'M EVEN MORE CONFUSED NOW THAN I WAS THEN!!!

Trinity: It would have been clear if you were picking right!

Girl: Oh, is this a _test _now?  Am I getting _graded? *puts hand over mouth and gasps in mock-fear* Oh, I would have _studied_ if I had known!  But, wait, I __couldn't study because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE!!!_

Cypher (walking in from door): Neither do I.  I had to plug _myself into the extra chair because Mouse fell asleep when he looked at me._

Morpheus: It's called fainting, Cypher.  Everyone's afraid of you.

Girl (not looking at Cypher): Cypher?  That's a cool name.  Who is…*looks at Cypher's face* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  CREEPY FACE!!!  CREEPY FACE!!!  RUN AWAAAAAAY!!! *runs with eyes closed straight into the wall* Ouch…again…

Morpheus: Cypher, how did you get out of your room?  I put a huge padlock on the door!

Cypher: Oh, I picked it open with a hairpin.  It took a while.

Trinity: Where'd you get the hairpin?  Switch and I are the only girls on board and we don't _use_ hairpins.

Cypher: Well, uh, that's a funny story you see…

Mysterious Shadowy Figure In Doorway: I have no time for funny stories, now give me the One.

~~~

_A/N:  Ooooo, cliffhanger, now you're all gonna hate me, aren't you?  Guess what?  I wrote this chapter all by myself and I didn't need any help from megami no inazumi!  Aren't we all _sooo_ proud of my accomplishment._


	6. Old Enemies

_disclaimer Meep /disclaimer_

_translation I don't own anything, okay!  Just leave me alone because I don't own the Matrix and I've already told you about 50 times, so why can't I just stop?! /translation_

_Review answering time!_

_Citti Kitty Monroe: Yes, Agents.  Or rather, just one Agent and two ½ Agents, which would mean that there were actually two whole Agents, and…_

_Megami no Inazumi: Well, you're getting credit for it anyway, because I don't speak French and you do…sorta…ish…ness…_

_Bloodredcherry: Yes, humorous Agent Smith is gooood…_

_*singing* And Girl is back, from outer space, I just walked in to find her here with that sad look upon her face… *stops and looks at readers sheepishly* Ehe…you never saw that, okay?  Anyway, in the last chapter, we got to watch the two M's (Mero and Morpheus), fight over Girl while she beat the Temple at last, throwing everyone back into character.  Next thing she knows, Girl has to pick from between red and blue pills, but is interrupted by Cypher the Creepy, who _somehow_ got a hairpin, picked the lock on his door, and got into the Matrix.  Then they were interrupted once more by a Mysterious Shadowy Figure, and then the chapter ended in a cliffhanger.  And now for Chapter 6.  It is brought to you by the number 42 and the letter C: "Because 42 is the Answer and because C is for cookie…*eyes light up*…that's good enough for me!  C is for…*begins singing and dancing crazily*"_

**Chapter 6: Old Enemies **

Girl: You!

Agent Smith: Yes, me.

Girl: Not you, baka!  Them! *points at two other Agents who were following Smith* They've been my arch-nemeses since grade school!

Agent Smith: Ah, yes, Agent Angnor and Agent Connus, my loyal followers.

Agent Connus: So, Rat, we meet again…

Agent Angnor: For the last time!

Girl: Dammit, I _thought_ I had met you for the last time when I graduated from 8th grade.  And my name is not Rat!  That was 4 friggin' years ago, would you just drop it!

Angnor: Whatever, I know you still like me.

Girl: I never liked you, idiot!  That was just a stupid rumor!

Smith (thinking): _I knew they were a good idea.  And now for an even better one._*end thinking* I think that I will leave old friends to recollect old memories alone. *fiddles with something in his pocket*

_Suddenly, Girl finds herself inside a completely white room with no doors or windows.  And Angnor and Connus are in there with her._

Girl:  What in Aberdon…where am I?

Agent Smith's Disembodied Voice: You are inside the NetherCube, my own little invention.  Small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, and the inside can grow to fit whatever it is holding with no affect on the size of the outside.  There is no escape, and only connection you have with the outside world is the voice of the person holding the cube.  Which happens to be me.  Of course, you have your friends in there with you.  I'm sure your time with them will be lovely.  Goodbye.

Girl:  DAMMIT SMELROND!!!  LET ME OUT OF THIS BLOODY THING!!! *kicks the side of the box repeatedly, but to no avail*

Angnor: Didn't you hear him?

Connus: There is no escape from the NetherCube.

Angnor: Now we have some time…

Connus: To catch up, Rat.

Girl: I already told you, but perhaps I said it too rapidly for your miniscule cranium to comprehend.  My.  Name.  Is.  Not.  Rat.

Angnor (sarcastically): Well, didn't you learn some long words, then? *takes step towards Girl*

Girl: One more step and I'll punch your head in.  No teachers around to stop me now.

Angnor: You wouldn't really do that.  *begins circling around Girl* 

Connus: *circles in the opposite direction from Angnor* You couldn't really do that.  You're too shy, too quiet, too weak…

Girl: Shut up!

Angnor: Ooooo, I'm scared now…

Girl: I still haven't forgotten the 20 different hells you put me through during school.

Connus: *clapping* Wow, what a great speech from the Rat.

Angnor: And we could actually hear it.

Connus: Yeah, _it_ doesn't talk at negative decibel levels anymore.

Angnor: Maybe it was just a fluke.

Girl: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

Connus: Why don't you make me, Rat?

Girl: I think I will. *punches at Connus' face, but he catches her wrist*

Connus: Bad Rat, *twists Girl's arm, smiling when he sees pain flicker across her face* Why don't you cry, Rat?  You're good at that.

Angnor: Yeah, you're such a little baby, crying all the time.

Girl (furious, complete with anime twitch mark thingies and flaming eyes): Not.  Any.  More. *punches other arm at Connus' face, which he also catches*

Connus: Will you ever learn?

Girl: Will _you_? *kicks him rapidly in both kneecaps, then when he lets go of her wrists slams her elbow into the base of his neck, knocking him out* I won't forget.  I don't forget.  Never.

Angnor: *still staring at the unconscious Connus* Shit, since when did you know how to do that? *backs away from the approaching Girl*

Girl: Since right now. 

Angnor: *turns to run away*

Girl: *punches him in the back of the head, knocking him out as well* How stupid do you have to _be_ to turn your back on an enemy like that?  Seriously…

**Back outside the NetherCube while all this happens…**

Morpheus:  What happened to her?!

Smith: Oh, just this. *casually tosses small white cube up a short distance, catching it again when it falls* The NetherCube, my own little invention…*goes on to explain the Cube to the horrified Rebels*…And inside here *taps Cube* she can't cause any more trouble.  I could keep her contained in here forever, and she would never starve, never dehydrate, never grow old, never get sick.  And did I mention that you Rebels would never be able to use her to destroy the Matrix?  Goodbye now. *jumps out window at same approximate time that Girl is telling Angnor and Connus that her name isn't Rat*

Morpheus and his crew (except Cypher, who was once again locked within his room by an angry Mouse): *chase after Smith, but he is already gone*

Trinity: Shit.  Now what?

~~~

_A/N: Yes, now is when it gets_ really _interesting.  Now that we've met everyone who's going to appear and seen just how OOC they are, I can really get started.  Oh, and did I mention that just about every chapter from now on will end with a mind-wrenching cliffhanger? *evil grin*_


	7. Her Code

_Disclaimer: Whatever is in this fic, I don't own it.  Except for Girl; she belongs to me, perhaps because for the most part, she IS me.  Oh, and now I have two new characters who belong to me, Angnor and Connus.  Wh00t for me._

_Now to answer reviews!_

Megami no Inazumi: I hope I never meet them again too. And yes, take it from the beta; they will wrench your mind.

_Bloodredcherry: It would take too long to explain, so I will just say that it is a video game, and the Temple is basically the way to the boss._

_Alocin: Digestive biscuit? Never mind…_

_Citti Kitty Monroe: Wow, long review! Well, no, your hypothesis was not correct, though that is a pretty good idea. I have never seen any Animatrix, though._

_Agent Josey: Yeeessss…evil cliffhangers…muahahaha!_

_*The author sleeps on her desk, resisting every effort of her muse to be wake her up* So…sleepy…5 more minutes…*goes back to sleep until muse blows air horn directly into her ear* GAH!!!  NEXT CHAPTER!!! OKAY!!! *eyes twitch* So, in the last part, Agent Smelrond shows up again, imprisons Girl inside the NetherCube (that is such a fun name) with her two old arch-nemeses, 'Agents' (more like ½ Agents, actually) Angnor and Connus, whom she defeats after they taunt her a whole lot.  But she's still trapped in the NetherCube, which Smelrond has run off with.  This chapter was brought to you by the Association of Sleepy People; "Zzzz…". *her job done, the poor author falls back asleep*_

**Chapter 7: Her Code**

_Smith is riding a nearly empty subway train, the NetherCube containing Girl inside his pocket._

Girl: So, Smelrond, we meet again…

Smith: *mutters to himself, not heard within the NetherCube* The author really likes this line, doesn't she?

Author's Muse: She's asleep right now, but the answer is a definite yes. *disappears in a poof of inspirational smoke*

Girl (continuing): FOR THE LAST TIME!!! *a teensy tapping sound begins to emanate from the NetherCube, which is actually Girl smashing into the wall repeatedly*

Disembodied Voice of Smith (DVS from now on): Give it up, there is no escape unless you are taken out from the outside using my super special one-of-a-kind key that no one except me knows the location of.

Girl: There's always another way.  It's called 'dramatic convention'.

DVS: So sorry, but I made the NetherCube dramatic convention-proof.

Girl: Dammit.

DVS: Most people say that when confronted by me and my inescapable intelligence.

Girl: I really hate you.

DVS: Most people do.

Girl: My friends hate you too.

DVS: Do they now?

Girl: They heard you laugh _once and instantly dissolved into screaming hysterics and then kept randomly clutching their ears and whimpering for the next __month._

DVS: When did they hear me laugh?

Girl: 3rd movie trailer, I think.

DVS: Not going to ask.

Girl: Smartest idea I've ever heard out of you.

DVS: Why thank you.

Girl: It wasn't a compliment, Smelrond.  I heard the laugh too.  It sounded like someone being violently sick combined with a dying cow.

DVS: How pleasant.

Girl: That's really bad and cliché sarcasm, Smelrond.

DVS: Quit calling me that!

Girl: If you're going to keep me trapped in a white box with my two arch-nemeses for all eternity, I can call you whatever I bloody well want to.  _Smelrond._

DVS: I'm going to take them out in a few months.

Girl: I'm still going to call you Smelrond.

DVS: Rrrrgh…

**At the other end of the subway car…**

_The Twins were taking an afternoon off, Two still slightly sad at the loss of Girl_

Two (telepathically speaking with One): _We wonder what she's doing with the Rebels right now…?_

One (reading book and also speaking telepathically): _Us, stop moping.  She's probably fine._

Two: _Yeah, we're right.  It's not like she could have gotten into any horrible messes in such a short time._ *looks around the train, reading people's codes out of boredom* _Us…_

One: _Yes?_

Two: _Smelrond is over there._

One: _Okay, we've even adapted her weird names for people now and that's just…WHAT?!?  What's_ he _doing here?  Shouldn't he be off doing mysterious Agent stuff?_

Two: _We think he is…_

One: _How do we know?_

Two: _He's got some sort of strange box in his pocket…_

One: _And…?_

Two: _There's three really small codes inside the box, two Agents and one human.  We don't know anything about the Agents, but the human…_

One: _What about it?_

Two: *looks One straight in the face, eyes dead serious* _It's hers._

One: _Shit._

~~~

_A/N: Yay!  The Twins are back!  I was just so sad to leave them earlier that I brought them back, straight in the middle of the plot this time.  Just wait and see what I have in store for _them_, muahahaha!  Gomen nasai about the shortness, it just felt right to end it there, plus I am actually really, really tired *yawns**suddenly and randomly begins running around crazily chanting NetherCube over and over* NetherCube, NetherCube, NetherCube, NetherCube!  I love saying that! _


	8. Separated

_Disclaimer: I don't own a bloody thing. Except for Girl, Angnor, Connus, and the NetherCube._

_Now for some review-answering!_

_Megami no Inazumi: Well, I haven't seen the third movie, remember? I do know his laugh, though, as you showed it to me on Clarice._

_Alocin__: Oh, they're real? Interesting…thank you, my desk is covered with them now.  _

_Agent Josey: The Twins grow on everybody when written about properly. Megami no Inazumi does it better than I do, go read her stuff!_

_Citti Kitty Monroe: ^_^ Oh, and something I forgot to answer last chapter; Sues.  Short for Mary-Sues, they are the bane of the fanfic world. They destroy canon, The Sue character itself will gain special magic powers whenever the author feels like it, and the authors don't know the meaning of proper English (grammar, spelling, etc…)._

_Last time, we had an interesting conversation between Smelrond and poor, trapped Girl. And the Twins have discovered her again, and are (obviously) going to try to rescue her from a horrible fate of being trapped in a boring white box until, as Macbeth would say, the last syllable of recorded time.  Now for Chapter 8, which is brought to you by A Swarm of Sues; "We're beautiful, annoyingly idiotic, have super special magic powers, and can destroy canon in a matter of seconds!"  _

**Chapter 8: Separated**

_One and Two have been following Smith secretively through the city.  At last, he stopped inside a dark alley, because (like all Agents), he can be seen as a walking, talking, suit-clad cliché._

Two (telepathically): _Us, we're the planner, so what now?_

One: _We need to get that Cube._

Two: _We know _that_, but how do we get it?_

One: _He's cornered, so we have to run over and distract him.  We'll ghost underneath the ground and get the Cube when we come up.  Then we both run away and try to get her out of it._

Two: _Sounds easy enough.  Better than some of the assignments we usually get from the Miro-_Mero_vingian._

One: _We _are_ adapting her weird names for people _

Two: _They're much more fun than the real names._

One: _Whatever, let's go.  When we get to three…one…two…THREE! GO!!! *_ghosts underground*

Two: *runs towards Smith, waving arms and yelling*

_But unfortunately for the poor Twins, Smelrond predicted that Two was merely a distraction. A second's look at the ground revealed One coming to him fast. He knew how to fix that.  Whipping out the NetherCube at Agent-Speed, he shot a beam of code at Two, sucking him into the NetherCube.  With the sudden and unexpected void in his mind where his other self had been, One came up aboveground completely dazed and confused, giving Smelrond time to run off and escape…again. _

One (trying unsuccessfully to telepath with Two): _Us!  Us? US?!?!  WHERE ARE WE?!?!  WHAT HAPPENED?!?! **US?!?!**_

**Inside the NetherCube…**

_Angnor and Connus have woken up, but with a difference.  Now they are veeeeery cautious of Girl.  So for the time in which Smith was walking randomly around the city, Girl and themselves have sat at opposite ends of the NetherCube, each 'group' glaring so hard at the other that if looks could kill the entire city would be dead, and exchanging insults._

Girl: And for that matter, I don't think you're really Agents.  You don't have earpieces, suits, or sunglasses, plus you're not acting like walking clichés.  You're like the hanyous of the Agent world.

Connus: What's a hanyou, Rat?  Does it mean stupid in Rat Language?

Girl (voice dripping with sarcasm): It's Japanese, smart one.  It means 'half-demon', but you would be a disgrace to the name of Japanese demons, so in your case it means you're like a half-Agent.  If I wanted to call you stupid I would have said baka, and I would have worded my sentence differently so it'd make sense grammatically.  But you're too dumb to know about the mysteries of proper grammar, aren't you?

Angnor: Hey, are you _crying_? 

Girl: NO DAMMIT!!!  THAT WAS _HOW_ MANY YEARS AGO???  I SHOULD…!

Two: *appears suddenly, looking very disoriented, and begins looking around wildly*

Girl: TWO!!! *runs over to him*

Two: *concentrates for a while, trying to reach One, eventually starts yelling out loud* US!!!  WHERE ARE WE?!?  WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

Girl:  Two!  What's wrong?  Where's…*comprehension dawns, Girl looks horrified* Ooooh, no…he didn't…he couldn't have possibly…dammit Smelrond!  How mean can you _get?_

Two: What's wrong?  Why can't we find us?  Where _are we?_

DVS (Disembodied Voice of Smelrond, if you have a bad memory): You are trapped within the NetherCube…

Girl (screaming at levels that it have actually been deemed by scientists as impossible to scream at) : SHUT UP YOU TWISTED EXCUSE FOR ELROND'S TWIN BROTHER!!!  THIS IS THE EVILEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE, INCLUDING LOCKING ME IN HERE WITH _THEM!!! *points to Angnor and Connus*  IT'S AS IF YOU JUST KILLED SOMEONE'S DRAGON!!!  BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT __THAT ALLUSION MEANS BECAUSE YOU'RE __FAR TOO BUSY FORMULATING NEFARIOUS PLOTS TO MAKE PEOPLE UNHAPPY TO HAVE EVEN _THOUGHT_ ABOUT READING DRAGONRIDERS OF PERN!!!  __I WILL EXPLAIN THIS TO HIM, AND A WHOLE FRICKING _LOT_ OF THE FORCE IS GONNA HAVE TO BE WITH YOU FOR YOU TO SURVIVE IF YOU __DARE TAKE YOUR DISEMBODIED VOICE IN HERE AGAIN UNTIL I __SAY YOU CAN!!!_

Connus (muttering to Angnor): Good Lord, she's _loud when she gets started…_

Angnor (muttering to Connus): Remind me not to _ever get her this mad again._

Girl: *whirls on them* AND YOU TWO!!!  YOU WILL NOT SAY ANOTHER BLOODY _WORD UNTIL I'M FINISHED TALKING TO TWO!!!  DO I MAKE MYSELF __CLEAR?!?_

Connus & Angnor (simultaneously): *nod very fast in a panicked fashion* Yes, yes, perfectly clear.  Go talk to What's-his-name, take as long as you want…*babble like this until they receive the Flaming Evil Death Glare* Shutting up now…

Girl: GOOD!!!  Okay, Two, _now_ I will tell you what is going on.  See, Smelrond interrupted some sort of colored pill-picking thing the Rebels were making me do, and those two were with him.  _They are my arch-nemeses from grade school, and now they're like…Pseudo-Agents or something of the sort.  Anyway, Smelrond traps me in this box with them and ran off with me.  I have a huge fight with them, beating the snot out of them in the process.  They only just returned to consciousness, actually.  And then you showed up.  Now, about this box.  Smelrond calls it the NetherCube, which would be an awesome name under other circumstances, but at the moment, I despise this box thoroughly.  He says that there's no escape unless someone lets us out from the outside using his special one-of-a-kind key.  And the only link with the outside world is the specifically directed mental voice of the person or program holding the Cube.  That would be why you can't reach One; he isn't holding the Cube.  We're stuck with Smelrond, and there's no way out._

Two: So we're going to be separated from us for a while? *thinking* _Separated…_

Girl: 'Fraid so.

Two (thinking): _Separated…_

~~~

_A/N: Aaaaawwwww…poor Two…poor One…DIE SMELROND DIE!!!  All together now, whomp him! *whomps evil, Twin-separating Smelrond* Now we all must give him lots of Flaming Evil Death Glares *glares at evil, Twin-separating Smelrond* Thanks once again to megami no inazumi for your help with the Twins.  Even though it was indirect help, because of you (and orange of doom, but mostly you) I know more about them than any of the other characters in any of the Matrix movies.  Thanks much! ^_^_


	9. Finding Our Code

_Disclaimer: We've already been through the whole 'I don't own the Matrix' thing 9 times already, do you people have faulty memories or something?_

_Reviews!  Lots of reviews! Yay!_

_Agent Josey: I like him too, but only as a character. He's just bloody annoying sometimes. (then he says Mister Aaaanderson and all is forgiven for the time being)_

_Megami no Inazumi: *cries with you*_

_Alocin: He is EVIL EVIL EVIL!!!  Yes, poor, poor Twins *is sad*_

_Bloodredcherry: The crazy agents are, shall we say, my own very special way of revenge on…certain individuals. And provide comic relief when Girl whomps them. _

_*zombie-author walks into room* Must…obliterate…Smelrond…from…face…of…Earth…die…Smelrond…die…*stands up straight and takes a bow* Thank you all for sticking with me and my crazy fic long enough to see this bow.  I'm so happy…*sniff* Anywho, enough with that, in the last chapter, the Twins were separated when they tried unsuccessfully to rescue Girl. Two was captured within the NetherCube by Smelrond, and One was left all alone, completely confused and sad (Poor, poor Twins *sniffle*).  Smelrond got away again, which made everyone sad, but then got yelled at by Girl for doing such an evil thing as separating the Twins, which made everyone laugh.  Then the chapter ended with a little bit of angst from Two.  And now for Chapter 9, brought to you by Mr. O's 1st Period Latin Class; "Nolite plura frangere corda!"_

**Chapter 9: Finding Our Code**

_We find ourselves back with Morpheus, Switch, Apoc, and Trinity, who we last left chasing after Smelrond (and losing him) in Chapter 6.  Now they are wandering at random, searching for any sort of clue to where Smelrond is._

Trinity: How the heck are we going to find clues?  This isn't Scooby-Doo, they're not just going to appear like that. *snaps fingers*

Apoc: Say, isn't that one of those Twins over there?

One: *wandering around looking very sad and disoriented* Us?  Where did we go?  Where are we?  US!

Switch: Where's the other one?

Morpheus: Apparently, the other Twin is missing.

Trinity: How could one of them lose the other?  Can't they telepath?

Apoc: Unless…

All: THE NETHERCUBE!!! *random ominous music*

Trinity: Let's go ask him what happened.

Apoc: Should we really?

Morpheus: It might be just a front, and then when we ask he'll kill us all!

Switch: It's true!  Men really do have a thing about asking for help!

Trinity: Come on. *both Trinity and Switch literally drag Morpheus and Apoc over to One* Hey!  Twin! 

One: *turns to Trinity* We can't fight now, we've lost us.

Trinity: How did you lose…you?

One (growing steadily more panicked throughout): We were trying to rescue her from Smith, but he shot some sort of strange code out of a box at us and we disappeared and now we can't find us!

Trinity: *sorts out all of the first person plural pronouns for a while* Her as in the One, right?

One: Yes.  We were on a subway when we saw her code inside Smith's pocket, but it was really small and we know she doesn't like the Agents because she told us that herself, so we decided to rescue her and we followed him around all day and we were supposed to be the distraction while we got the box but he figured it out somehow and now we're missing!  *goes into near hysterics* We've never been missing before!  And there's a blank void in our mind where we used to be and we're all confused because we can't find us anywhere and we've always been able to find us but now we can't and we can't find Smith either so we can't save us or her and we're so _confused_! *with this, One clutches his head and begins yelling* US!!!  WE NEED US BACK!!! WHERE DID WE GO?!?

Morpheus: How do we know that you're telling the truth?

Trinity: Morpheus, you tactless idiot!  Can't you tell pure mental anguish when you see it?

Morpheus: Actually…no, I can't.

Apoc: Me either.

Switch (whispers to Trinity): It must be another guy thing, being unable to see pure mental anguish.

Trinity(whispers to Switch): Hai, de gozaru.

Switch(still whispering): What?

Trinity (also still whispering): Japanese.  The One suggested that I learn it; she said that it was very cool.

Morpheus (whispering to Apoc): What are they talking about?

Apoc (same to Morpheus): I don't know; nail polish and daisies, or whatever it is that girls talk about.

Morpheus: Somehow, I seriously doubt that _Trinity and __Switch are talking about nail polish and daisies._

Apoc: Good point.

One: Can we join your conversation?

Morpheus and Apoc (simultaneously): No.

One (thinking wistfully): _If only we were here, we could have our own little discussion.  But we're not, we're missing and we can't find us and *stops thinking and starts shouting again* WE WANT US BACK!!!_

Trinity: Dammit you two, what did you say to him?!

Morpheus: Nothing!

Apoc: Yes we did, we told him that he couldn't join our discussion and…*is kicked by Morpheus* OW!

Trinity: Too late, Morpheus, he already told us.  You're _both_ tactless idiots!  How could you be so mean to him!

Switch: You can come and join _our discussion…ummm, which one are you?_

One: We're One.

Switch:  Well, you can come and talk with _us_, One.  We're not _complete morons_ like _some_ people. *glares at Morpheus and Apoc*

One: Really?  We can join in your discussion?

Trinity: Sure you can.  *evil smile spreads across face* You know, I bet that Morpheus and Apoc would just _love_ to _go back to the ship to have their oh-so-private conversation._

Morpheus: But we have to help you find the One!

Trinity: _No_, now we have a _different _One to help us find her, right Switch?

Switch: Yes, so you should call Mouse _right now and go back to the ship._

Apoc: Well, what if I don't want to go back to the stupid ship?

Trinity: Then you will be feeling a whole lot of pain very soon.

Apoc: *anime sweat drop* I have an idea Morpheus!  Why don't we go back to the _ship to talk?  _

Morpheus: What a great idea!  Why don't we _run_?

Apoc: Even better!

Both: *run to the nearest telephone booth as if they were being chased by a horde of Sentinels*

One: Whoa…you two are good…isn't he your captain?

Switch: Well, when we're threatening his life, he pretty much forgets that he's the one in charge.

One: We wonder if that would work on the Merovingian…*ponders*

Trinity: You know, he _might_ not be the best person to test that on.

One: _We_ would have tested it…we want us back. *drops head sadly*

Switch: Well, we're going to get him back, and the One too!

Trinity: But first, we have to find Smith.

Switch: Because if we find _him…_

One: *brightens* We find us!  

Trinity: Right.  First we should go back to where you found him the first time.

One: *leads the girls to the alley where Two was captured* This is where we lost us.  Now what?

Switch: You said that you saw her code.  Can you trace Smith's maybe?

One: We were the one who saw her code.  And we're much better at codes than we are…but to save us, we will try! *begins squinting around the alley* WE FOUND OUR CODE!  WE FOUND OUR CODE!  We can't find any others, but we can see really small traces of ours leading back out of the alley!  Now we can follow it and find us!

Switch: Wow, that's lucky.

Trinity: Not luck.  They have the same code, remember?  Of course he'd be able to find his own code anywhere.  Now we just have to hope that it leads us right.

Switch: *looks at the now very happy One* If only for his sake, I hope it does.

~~~

_A/N:  Wow, Girl wasn't in this chapter *gasp*.  But this is a happy chapter nonetheless.  Happy One, not sad and disoriented any more! *and there was much rejoicing* Yaaaaay! ^_^_


	10. Crowded

_Disclaimer: Chapter 10, and you still haven't had it pounded into your brains enough.  I.  Don't.  Own.  The.  Matrix._

_Reviews!_

_Megami no Inazumi: Yes, now it is perfect._

_Bloodredcherry: Yah, I can understand the Twins speech mannerisms really well as a result of two certain friends of mine who have adapted those mannerisms._

_Boo: No, girl is nameless because she just is. She's just 'Girl', and that's her name._

_In the beginning, there was much waiting…then there was the next chapter…and much rejoicing.  Last time, the Rebels found One, Morpheus and Apoc were forcefully sent back to the ship for being tactless around poor One, and One found Two's code, which he, Trinity, and Switch are now following in hopes of finding and pounding Smelrond (basically, One got to be the star of the chapter).  Chapter 10 was brought to you by Free Time; "The rarest and much valued substance ever."_

**Chapter 10: Crowded**

_We are finally back with Girl, who now has Two for company and not just Angnor and Connus, both of whom are now ignoring everyone else._

Girl: You followed Smelrond around all day and then got captured just to rescue _me_?

Two: Yeah.  But we weren't planning on the 'captured' part.  Or the 'complete and total separation from us' part.

Girl: Aaaaawwwww…poor Two…poor both of you.

Two:  *depressed silence* We want us back.  We need us back.  We're completely lost without our voice of sanity and reason.

DVS (Disembodied Voice of Smelrond): So sorry to interrupt your mental anguish, but I must tell you that you'll be completely lost for quite some time, as there is no possibility of me putting your other self in there with you.  However, you will be having another guest soon, possibly two.  Your other self will be with them, but I think I'll miss him on purpose…

Girl: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU EVIL, SADISTIC PSYCHO!!!

DVS: …In fact, I believe that I'll temporarily re-write the NetherCube so that you can hear every bit of what is going on when I spring my trap…

Girl:  I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!! *kicks the walls of the Cube* GO AWAY!!!

DVS: Angnor and Connus will come out, of course.  Not only will they take up unnecessary space, but in your current mood you will most likely kill them, which I cannot have…

Girl:  That part would be good BUT I STILL HATE YOU!!!  WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS BLOODY CUBE, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH THAT WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH COW MANURE AND A BRITTANY SPEARS CD!!!

DVS: I _would_ be very afraid of that threat, but fortunately for me you never _will get out of the NetherCube.  Goodbye for now._

Girl: AND GOOD RIDDANCE!!! *sits on floor of the Cube and glares as Angnor and Connus disappear into thin air and supposedly reappear outside the Cube* _I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him…He's 50 million times worse than the French Miroku poser…at least _he_ left me pretty much alone after that meeting…I should have kicked him harder that first time I met him…I should have broken his bloody leg…he deserves it…_DAMMIT I HATE HIM!!!

Two: *wisely saying nothing*

**Back to Trinity, Switch, and One…**

_One has followed Two's code to the door of an old warehouse._

Trinity: So it definitely goes in here?

One: We're sure of it.

Switch: This is a little too cliché, and I don't like it.  There's always some sort of stupid trap in an old, abandoned warehouse.

Trinity: Well, we'll just have to be careful.

One: *very happy at the prospect of seeing Two again soon, so begins sing-chanting* We're going to save us, we're going to save us!

Trinity (thinking): _If we fail, I'm gonna feel reeeeeally guilty…_

All three: *furtively walk inside and see NetherCube on table*

One: US! *runs towards Cube*

**Back to Cube Perspective…**

_Smelrond has re-written Cube so that Two and Girl can hear what is going on (just to be mean).  The Cube on the table is actually not the NetherCube, just a decoy (Smelrond is hiding in the shadows with the real one), and they know this._

One (as heard from inside Cube): US! *sound of running feet*

Two: US!  *begins trying to ghost through Cube, but it doesn't work and he just winds up repeatedly whamming into the wall* IT'S *wham* A *wham* TRAP *wham* DON'T *wham* FALL *wham* FOR *wham* IT!!! *wham*

Girl: *tries unsuccessfully to hold Two back* Two!  Stop it before hurt yourself!

Two: WE *wham* DON'T *wham* CARE!!! *wham* UUUUUSSSSS!!! *wham*

One (as heard from inside Cube): Wait, we're not in here!

Trinity (AHFIC): What?

One (AHFIC): There isn't _anyone_ in here!

Switch (AHFIC): A decoy!

Girl: DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU IDIOTS!!! *begins whamming into the wall as well* RUN *wham* AWAY *wham* WHILE *wham* YOU *wham* STILL *wham* CAN!!! *wham* 

Smith (AHFIC): Yes, a decoy.  You fell right into my trap.  And now…you're mine. *there is a short silence, and Switch appears inside the Cube*

Switch: Wha…? *looks at Girl and Two, who are still slamming repeatedly into the side and yelling*

Two:  US!!! *wham* GET *wham* OUT *wham* OF *wham* HERE!!! *wham*

Girl: DON'T *wham* TRY *wham* SAVING *wham* US *wham* NOW *wham* YOU'LL *wham* JUST *wham* GET *wham* CAUGHT!!! *wham*

**Back outside the Cube…**

_Trinity and One stare horrified at the now empty space where Switch had been just a second before, then back up at Smith, who is holding the real NetherCube in plain sight…and aiming at them._

Trinity: We have to run for it, One! *pulls him by the arm towards the exit*

One: Not…without…us!

Trinity: *barely dodges beam of code from Cube* We won't be able to rescue anyone unless we get out of here! *pulls him behind pile of boxes as temporary shield from the NetherCube*

One: We have to get that Cube and save us!

Trinity: Not right now!  Think about it!  If we get caught, there won't be _anyone_ to save us!  Do you think the other Twin would like you to get captured?

One: *drops head* All right…we'll go.

Trinity: Come on, we'll have to make a run for it.  *very loudly* ON THREE WE'LL RUN!  ONE…

Smith: Come on out, now…I'm sure your friends would love to have some more company…

Trinity (loudly): TWO…

One: This won't work! He'll be waiting for us!

Trinity: Trust me on this one. *shouts* FIVE!!!

Smith: Huh? *drops guard in confusion*

Trinity: *yanks One up and both run out the door, escaping*

Smith: Damn.

**Back inside the Cube…**

Girl:  Hah!  The old Monty Python 5-instead-of-3 joke!  And stupid Smelrond fell for it!

DVS: Shut up. At least I caught one of them.

Girl: *turns and sees Switch for first time* Dammit, he did.  I didn't notice.

Switch: I know, you were too busy smashing into the wall.

Girl: We were _trying_ to warn you.

Switch: We? Oh, the other Twin. *turns to Two* You blend into the wall.

Two: Our name is Two.

Switch: Why am I not surprised?

Two: We were with you, weren't we?  How are we?  What are we doing?

Switch: He's still rather depressed, actually.  At the moment he's probably moping about not rescuing you.

Girl: Poor One…Smelrond needs to be beaten up severely.  First he separates them, now he's rubbing it in.  Rawr. 

DVS: Oh, I'm sure I'll be 'rubbing it in' more in the future, as it is obvious that they're going to try again.  And this time, they won't escape.

Girl: I get the feeling that this thing is going to start getting _really_ crowded if Smelrond has his way.

Two: It already is crowded by the law of one of your strange and repetitive human sayings. Three's a crowd, if we remember correctly.

Girl: Good point.

~~~

_A/N: Yes, I know this chapter stunk.  I'm very sorry about the general suckiness, it was more to help the plot along than anything else. *sighs*_


	11. Bored

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Matrix. Happy now?_

_Review answering!_

_Agent Josey: Yes, more is forthcoming. Muahahaha!_

_Lady of Mirkwood: Thankies. Yes, Gollum's lines do work well there, don't they?  Heh._

_Megami no Inazumi: That's because you didn't read it. I just told you what happened._

_Search4Truth: NETHERCUBE!!! Thanks for the compliments. ^_^_

_Alocin: Yes, that was the point._

_*Dodges flying objects* Okay! The last chapter wasn't that bad, I guess.  Anyway, Smith was mean and laid a trap for Trinity, Switch, and One. However, only Switch was captured, and the chapter ended with some rambling. Chapter 11 was brought to you by Really, Really Long School Bus Trips 'R Us; "Learn just how many games you and your friend(s) can come up with on a 3+ hour bus ride!"_

**Chapter 11: Bored**

_Girl, Two, and Switch are all sitting inside the white blankness of the NetherCube, silently being bored. _

Girl: *suddenly stands up and waves arms around* I can't stand the silence any longer!  We have to do _something_ or I'll go crazy!

Switch: Like what, pray tell?  Smash into the walls again?

Girl: No, you idiot!  Not something to try and escape; something interesting to _do!  Two, do you still have those cards?_

Two: No, we left them back at the Merovingian's mansion.

Girl: Drat. *thinks* I Spy?

Switch: No.

Girl: Why not?

Switch (sarcastically): Oh, I don't _know, let's see…I spy something _white_. _

Girl: Oh, yeah. *more thinking* Ooooo!  I know!  We can play Minister's Cat!  That game lasts _forever_ if you play it right!

Switch: I have never heard of that game before in my life.

Two: Neither have we.

Girl: It's simple.  Think of an adjective that starts with 'A', and then put it in the phrase, 'The Minister's cat is a blank cat'.  Then Two would go, and then Switch, and then back to me.  When nobody can think of any more adjectives for that letter, we go on to the next one.  I'll start.  The Minister's cat is an alley cat.  Now it's Two's turn.

Two: The Minister's cat is…ummm…an Agent cat!

Switch: The Minister's cat is an artistic cat.

**20 Minutes Later…**

Girl:  The Minister's cat is…hang on…I know there's something else…ummm…I know!  An antisocial cat!

Two: Well, then the Minister's cat is an anti-_war cat._

Switch: And the Minister's cat is an anti-_peace cat!_

**1 Hour Later…**

Switch: The Minister's cat is an anti-_cat cat!_

Girl: Okay, _no more_ 'anti's.  On to B!  The Minister's cat is a black cat.

Two:  The Minister's cat is a brown cat.

Switch: The minister's cat is a blue cat.

DVS (Disembodied Voice of Smelrond): Hey, can I play?

Girl, Two, and Switch (simultaneously): NO!!!

DVS: Why not?

Switch: You have to ask?

DVS: Just answer the question!

Girl: Because we hate you.  Go away. *turns back to Two and Switch* The Minister's cat is a bad cat.

Two: The Minister's cat is a bruised cat.

DVS: *grumble snarl grumble* I hate being ignored…

Girl: Serves you right for putting us in this bloody cube with nothing to do.  The Minister's cat is a beaten-up cat.

DVS: But I'm good at word games!

Two: Dammit, go away!  The Minister's cat is a broken cat.

Switch: The Minister's cat is a bloody cat.

_The adjectives during the Bs grew steadily more violent until Smelrond grudgingly retreated.  However, he made several other tries to join in during the letters H, M, S, and X.  He was ignored, and when at last, after a full 10 hours, the small group could not think of another adjective beginning with Z, they pondered for a while over what to do next.  However, we will run around with Trinity and One during that bit, as it is rather boring._

**Back to Trinity and One:**

One: Now how will we rescue us?  He's really good at predicting our every move!

Trinity: Then we have to think of something that he wouldn't expect us to think of.

One: How the heck are we going to think of something that we would never think of?

Trinity: Hmmm…who are we almost the exact opposite of?

One & Trinity (simultaneously): *turn heads to face each other* Her.

Trinity: Okay, what's something _she would think of?_

One: Something insane that makes no sense to anyone but her, but will actually work without a doubt, good-at-predicting-our-every-move or not.  Especially since it is in no possible way predictable.  _That's the sort of plan she would think of._

Trinity: Okay, we're going to have to be random now, but how?  Hmmm… *ponders, then with no warning, snaps head up and yells at One* Say something!

One: Huh?  Uh…dental floss!

Trinity: Good, good, that's nice and random.  Now you do the same to me.  Yell 'say something' after a bit. *closes eyes and clears mind*

One: *waits* Say something!

Trinity: Flying hamsters!  Whoa…did that actually come out of my mouth?  That's good, anyway. *waits* Say something!

One: Lightsaber! *waits* Say something!

Trinity: Pocky! *waits* Say something!

One: Rainbow glitter!

_This went on for while, but we're not going into that now.  You have to wait until the next chapter to see _all_ of the random stuff they came up with.  But anyway, time to go back to our NetherCube group, as they have decided to simply make fun of Smelrond, and we don't want to miss that, now do we?_

**Inside the NetherCube…**

Girl: Oh, I know so much incriminating stuff about him…this is gonna be fun. *evil grin*

DVS: Hey!

Switch: Shut up.  *turns to Girl* Tell us!

Girl: Well, first I'll tell you about the Smelrond thing.  See, he is obviously Elrond's long lost twin brother.

Two: Who's Elrond?

Girl: Well, in Lord of the Rings…

Two: We don't know what that is either.

Girl:  It's a really good trilogy of books.  And a really good trilogy of movies, too.  Anywho, Elrond is basically the ruler of the Rivendell *sees Two's confused expression*, which is an elf town by a waterfall.  Elrond is an elf, by the way.  And in the movies, he is seriously Smelrond's twin.  Not like you two Twins, but they have the same face, same voice, and same stupid temperament; but Elrond has really long brown hair and wears a cool flow-y robe and is an elf, not an Agent.  So you see?  Agent Smelrond, get it?

DVS: Oh.  I had been wondering about that…

Switch: Who asked you?  Go away.

Two: What else do you know?

Girl: I know that his laugh is so horrible that it can put the people who hear it into long-lasting hysterics.

Switch: Long-lasting?  How long?

Girl: About a month of random ear-clutching combined with screams and whimpers.

Two: That bad?

Girl: Yep.

Switch: So, anything else?

Girl: I know that he's an egotistical jerk, but everyone already knows that.

Two: If anyone with knowledge of the Matrix doesn't, they really ought to crawl out from beneath the large rock they've been hiding under.

Girl (thinking): _I still have no clue what this Matrix thing is._  _I remember when the Agents asked me what I knew about it…and I said 42…and they kept saying 'resistance is futile'…over and over…until my head burst into flame…and then…_*end thinking* You know how Smelrond's all like, 'I'm so fast you can't hit me' and all that junk?

DVS: You're not really going to tell them about that are you?

Girl: Shut up and go away, Smelrond.  Anyway, this was when he was interrogating me for the first time, and he kept saying 'Resistance is futile' over and over and over, which made me really mad, so I told him I was going to whomp him if he didn't cut it out.  Well, he just said it again anyway, so I made like I was about to punch him, and then I kicked him from under the table while he was watching my arm.  Know what he said then?  He said 'Ow not fair'.

DVS: It was a fluke!  A bloody fluke I tell you!

Switch (laughing so hard she can barely talk): You…kicked…under…table…and…he…ow…not…fair…*completely dissolves into hysterical laughter*

DVS: Grrr…I'll get you for that…

Girl: Whatever, Smelrond.

~~~

_A/N: All I have to say to you is that you haven't seen random insanity until you see the plan Trinity and One come up with.  _That _is going to be fun.  _


	12. Rescue Sort Of

_Disclaimer:  I don't own anything except Girl.  Does anyone even read these?  Helloooooooooo?  Somebody?  ECHO…Echo…echo…_

_I got reviews!_

_Alocin: Yeah, most people haven't heard of it. I know, Smithy isn't that evil, but for the purposes of this fic, he is.  Yes, more DB's!  I have gotten addicted to them. ^_~_

_Agent Josey: Being too organized is the first step to becoming…a lemming! *dundunduuuuuun*_

_Bloodredcherry: Update pie? Am I missing something? _

_Last time, our NetherCube group was exceedingly bored, so they began to play a game called 'Minister's Cat', which lasted for almost 11½ hours (they have really big vocabularies).  Then we saw Trinity and One thinking of a 'Girl Plan' (an insane, random, and completely unpredictable plan) to rescue the NetherCube group from Smelrond.  Then we went back to the NetherCube to watch them bash Smelrond's reputation. And now for Chapter 12, which was brought to you by The Sci-Fi Club of UA, "We put the 'eek' in freak!" _

**Chapter 12: Rescue…Sort Of**

_And so here we are again with Trinity and One.  Trinity has gathered everything they came up with from the Construct and now they are trying to put it all together into some sort of plan._

Trinity: So we have a 3 packs of dental floss, 22 trained flying hamsters, 2 lightsabers, a box of pocky, a jumbo jar of rainbow glitter, a tub of different colored sidewalk chalk, 8 mango-scented candles, 5 toy gumball machines, a roll of duct tape, 3 faerie princess sparkle star wands, 2 Nintendo 64 controllers, last Monday's New York Times crossword puzzle, and a Best of the Beatles CD.  What the heck are we going to do with all of that?

One: We could…no, that wouldn't work at all…

Trinity: How about…never mind, that wouldn't work either.

One: Hmmm…so we have a dilemma.

Trinity: How does she do this?  

One: We must be doing something wrong.

Trinity: We can't possibly make a sensible plan out of all that random stuff!

One: *points* Wait, say that again!

Trinity: What?  We can't possibly make a sensible plan out of all that random stuff?

One: _That's_ what we're doing wrong!  We're trying to make _sense out of it!_

Trinity: Oh, yeah.  She never makes any sense at all.  That's why her plans are unpredictable!

One: He can predict any _sensible_ plan, but if it doesn't even make sense to the people who make it, then there is no way he can predict anything!

Trinity: Right.  Now…what would make no sense…?  Aha!  One, we need an Agent.

One: An Agent?

Trinity: And a Rebel, but I have that covered.  We can't go in ourselves, he knows who we are already.

One: Ah.  Well, we think that the Merovingian has a recently rogue Agent.  We'll ask him if we can borrow it.

Trinity: And Smith has seen all of my crew…except for Mouse.  He can be our Rebel.  I'll call him up, then we can go get the Agent. *calls Mouse on cell phone* Hey, Mouse?  Yeah…yes…Switch has…yes…pinpoint Smith for me…right…now can you get over here…okay…we're on Walnut street behind the K-Mart…right…see you in a second…*hangs up* He'll be here in a bit.

Both: *wait around for a while*

Mouse: *walks up* Okay, what do you need me for?

Trinity: We're putting an insane plan into action.  Now, on to the Merovingian's mansion!

Mouse: But I thought Smith had the Cube?

Trinity: He does.  We need an Agent for our plan, too, and One says that he has a recently rogue one

Mouse: Okaaaay…let's go then.

**Later at the Mansion**

Merovingian: *opens door to see Trinity, Mouse, and One standing there* Quel l'enfer?!?  What are all ov you Rebelz doing 'ere?  Where iz ze ozer Twin?

One: *hangs head* We lost us.

Merovingian: How ze _hell _do you lose your ozer self?

One: Agent Smith put us inside this cube thing that cut us off from us.  We need to borrow your new bodyguard to rescue us.

Merovingian: But why are ze Rebels 'ere?

One: They're helping because they've got someone in the Cube too.

Merovingian: Well, give meh one good reazon why I should help _zem_.

One: The One is in there too.

Merovingian: Okay, fine.  But only if she stays _here _after you get ze cube.

Trinity: *thinks* _Oh, well, she picked blue anyway._ *end thinking* Agreed.  Now where's this bodyguard thing?

Merovingian:  Girl!  Get over 'ere! 

_A teenage girl walks over from some other part of the mansion, stopping outside the door.  She has brown hair, rounded sunglasses, and a small circular earring near the top of her left ear. She is wearing a tan shirt with 'Lestat' sleeves and jeans.  Trinity and Mouse are rather surprised._

Merovingian: Good, now go wis zem und do what zey say, provided it doesn't involve your destruction. *shuts door, leaving the girl with Trinity, Mouse, and One*

Trinity: *looks at girl* _You're_ a rogue Agent?

Girl #2: *slowly nods head* _Mmm-hmmm…_

Mouse: You don't really…_look_ like an Agent.

Girl #2: And your point is…?

Mouse: Ummm…

One: Well, the One doesn't exactly look like the One.

Mouse: And this rogue Agent doesn't exactly look like any sort of Agent _period._

Trinity: There seems to be quite an infestation of teenage girls, though.

Mouse: Yeah.

Trinity: I don't know if this particular rogue Agent will work.

Girl #2: Hel-lo? I'm right _here.  I __am a sentient being, you know.  And I have a name._

Trinity: Is it some stupid, one-syllable, cliché name?

Girl #2: No, it's Clara.  _Two_ syllables, and it's _not stupid._

Trinity: Oh.  

Clara: You were expecting Sue, perhaps?

Mouse: I was.

_Then, there came the dreaded 'Awkward Silence'._

Trinity: Anyway, we need your help.

Clara: I guessed that.  What with?

One: We need to rescue us!

Mouse: From another Agent.  Smith.

Clara: *hisses at the name* I _hate him!  If it foils one of his 'plots' I'll do almost anything._

Trinity: Good.  Because what we need you to do will be rather insane.

Clara: Insane is good.  I can be insane.  Yep.

One: Good. 

**Later with Smelrond…**

_Smelrond is in some random apartment sitting at a desk with the NetherCube in his hand.  He is just sitting there with his eyes closed and mentally arguing with Girl, Two, and Switch.  Then the Plan of Insanity was set in motion, beginning when One (who had ghosted into the air conditioning vent) dropped the crossword puzzle down through the metal grille and onto Smelrond's desk.  He opens his eyes then, but didn't see where the little bit of paper came from._

Smith: Huh?  Where did that come from?  Did someone come in? *puts NetherCube in pocket, just to be safe*  

_Then the door flew open and the flying hamsters came zooming in and began to flap around the room.  Then Mouse and Clara came skipping into the room, each wielding a lightsaber in one hand and a fairy princess sparkle star wand in the other.  They had also each tied a Nintendo 64 controller around their neck.  Between them they were carrying an open cardboard box._

Mouse and Clara (singsong chanting together while skipping around): We are the truce fairies and we like peacefulness and you're going to join us because we say so and we must prepare the ceremony for your initiation so you can be a truce fairy just like us!

Smith: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?

_They did not answer his question.  Instead they took the chalk and drew squiggly lines and circles on the desk.  Then they randomly placed the mango-scented candles on the chalk and lit them, and arranged the Pocky into geometric shapes all in between the chalk and the candles.  And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, they took the gumball machines, which had been duct taped together into a circle-ish shape,  put it on Smelrond's head like a crown, gave him the other fairy princess sparkle star wand, and tossed rainbow glitter over everything.  During all of this, they were chanting 'Floofy doodle woo!' over and over.  Then as a finale, they took their lightsabers and plunged them into the top of the desk, melting two large holes, and then Clara melted a curved line underneath the holes, forming a permanent smiley face on the poor, doodled-on, half-melted desk._

Smith: *vainly tries to recognize either of the 'Truce Fairies', but it only confuses him more when he sees that they are an Agent and a Rebel.  And not the two he was expecting.  In fact, he realizes that he has never seen either of them before in his life* Who the hell _are you?!?!_

Clara: Well, I'm Star!

Mouse: And I'm Cloud!

Both: And we're the Truce Fairies! *pose*

Clara: We stand for unity and peace!

Mouse: Between the Agents and the Rebels!

Clara: For all of eternity!

Mouse: And you've just been initiated!

Clara: You're a Truce Fairy now!

Mouse: And as has been ordained by the Magic Mango Incense of Truth and the Magic Pocky-Chalk Symbols of Harmony, your new name is Moonbeam!

Smith: _Moonbeam_?

Clara: And because this is so happy for everyone, we will all dance with the flying hamsters to the tune of the Truce Fairy Happy Song!

_Then, the CD player that Trinity was dangling from the roof using the dental floss started to play 'Yellow Submarine' very loudly.  The extremely confused Smelrond was dragged to his feet and whirled around the room by the two 'Truce Fairies' and used as a landing pad by all of the flying hamsters.  Two of them snatched the NetherCube from Smelrond's pocket and passed it up to One through the air vent.  Smelrond, unsurprisingly, did not notice.  Rather hard to notice that sort of stuff when you're being twirled around in circles with about a dozen hamsters on your face.  _

Mouse: Now the song is over!

Clara: And we must go!

Mouse: You'll never see us again, I'm afraid!

Clara: But I know you'll always remember us!

Both: Farewell, Moonbeam! *skip out the door, leaving Smelrond covered in rainbow glitter, wearing a crown made of toy gumball machines, holding a fairy princess sparkle star wand, and scarred for life*

**3 blocks away a few minutes later…**

One: We did it!  We rescued us!

Clara: And we got to completely humiliate Smith in the process!

Mouse: And me.  I still can't believe you made me do that.

Trinity: Hey, it was pretty darned good considering that everything you did after walking through the door was improvised on the spot. 

Mouse: Whatever, but as far as anyone else is concerned, _this never happened, okay?_

One (singsong chant): We rescued us!  We rescued us!

Clara: Sort of.

Trinity: What do you mean, 'sort of'?

Clara: How do we get them out?

~~~

_Mweeheehee!  I wrote this while I was on a sugar high!  Can you tell?  Oh, and see?  I did actually use everything that I came up with.  And yes, I did come up with the stuff before writing this._  


	13. The Guy Who Makes Keys

_Disclaimer: You know the drill; I don't own a bloody thing._

_*sings* Review daaaance…dance for revieeeews! *dances*_

_Search4Truth: Sure you can be a Truce Fairy!  And you're welcome for Minister's Cat; my randomness actually helped someone out, wh00t!  Aaaaawwwww…you lost your twin? *radiates sympathy* Birth twin or an 'I am obsessed with the Twins and so is my friend so how about we be Twins' twin like my friends are? Yes, I am very curious about the superhuman cheese bit, and I don't mind long stories (they give me something to do when I'm bored in class). ^_^ _

_Agent Josey: Thankies!  Ah, yes, the confusion reigns and poor Smithy is the most confused of all. *evil grin*_

_Bloodredcherry: Hmmm…so I'm not missing anything.  That's good! Oh yes, I love the *pose* too.  That was the funnest chapter _ever_ to write. And yes, the hamsters are pretty darned talented for hamsters. Perhaps they are Sci-Fi Hamsters.  _

_Alocin: Yes, I did notice that she wasn't. Megami no Inazumi (and me)  finds it interesting that you think of Clara, who is based on Megami, as Girl #2.  Interesting in a good way though.  Oooooooo!  Chocolate!  Sugar!  Time to go insanely hyper!  Meeheeheehee!!!   _

_Sentinelsquiddie: *arches eyebrow* Weirdo? Veeeeery original, my young lemming; your wit capacity is simply _astounding_. Of _course_ I wrote it myself!  What do you take me for? And I'm not__ a kid; calling me that is about as dangerous as jumping into a shark tank when you are covered in blood. But since you are a lemming and therefore do not understand 'The Law Of Unspoken Rules', you will be let off with a dire warning and a loud snarl from alter-ego Neko.  As for your sister; I am beginning to feel sorry for her, plus it is another unspoken rule that I do not aid any of the male species in the art of understanding girls.  Figure it out yourself. PS: Learn how to spell!_

_Last time, we had lots of fun, didn't we kids?  We humiliated and scarred Smelrond, and we retrieved the NetherCube! *and there was much rejoicing* And we even got a new character! *and there was even more much rejoicing*  But when at last they were away from Smelrond, Clara put into words the most interesting dilemma of how the heck they were going to get Girl, Two, and Switch out of the NetherCube.  And now for Chapter 13, brought to you by Monty Python and the Holy Grail; "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"_

**Chapter 13: The Guy Who Makes Keys**

_And so we find ourselves back inside the NetherCube once more, where the trapped threesome are pondering over why Smelrond hasn't been bothering them for a while._

Two: Maybe he dropped us.

Switch: Maybe he got destroyed.

Girl: Maybe he got utterly scarred and humiliated when an Agent and a Rebel came waltzing in waving lightsabers and fairy princess sparkle star wands accompanied by flying hamsters and they called themselves the Truce Fairies and initiated Smelrond and danced him around the room to the tune of Yellow Submarine!

Two and Switch: What?

Girl: Oh, nothing.  Just something I came up with off the top of my head.

_Suddenly, One's voice appeared in the NetherCube._

One (singsong-chanting): We rescued us!  We rescued us!

Two: Us!

One: Us!

Both: We found us! *mental hug*

Girl: Aaaaawwwww…how kawaii!  No more mental angst!

Two: How did we manage to rescue us?

One: *describes in detail the insanity that occurred in Chapter 12*

Girl: *begins jumping up and down and pointing wildly* Hah!  Haha!  Hah!  I was right!  I was right!

**Meanwhile, outside the NetherCube…**

One (suddenly bursting out): Us!  We found us!

Trinity: Yes, yes, we know.

One: No, we _really_ found us!  We can hear us again!

Trinity: You can?  I thought only Smith could do that.

Clara: Apparently not.  Ask them if they know how to get them out.

Mouse: How would they know that?

Clara: Smith would have told them.

Mouse: Oh, come _on_.  Not even he's _that stupid._

Clara: You would think so, wouldn't you?  Ask them, One.

One: Okay. *asks Two if he knows* Yes, we do know.  Smith was apparently bragging quite a bit.

Clara: Told you.  How do we get them out?

One: A special key that only Smith has.

Mouse: Okay, I am _not_ doing that Truce Fairy thing again!

One: You don't have to.  We can just make another key.

Mouse: How?

One: The Keymaker.

**Later at the Merovingian's Mansion (again)…**

One: *rings doorbell*

Merovingian: *opens door* Ah, you are back.  Waz ze mission successful?

One: We found us!

Merovingian: Zat would be a yes.  Where iz ze girl und ze ozer Twin?

One: We're still inside here, sir.  We need to borrow the Keymaker for a second to get us out.

Merovingian: Fine, but ze Rebels must wait in ze lobby.

Trinity: Fine, juzt so long az zey get out.

_One and Clara take the NetherCube down the dank, dark, nasty passage into the Keymaker's cell._

Keymaker: _Now_ what?  Can't you people just leave me in _peace?_

One: We need you to make a special key to open this cube.

Keymaker: Why?  Just for your petty amusement?

One: Because we're inside and we need to get us out.

Keymaker: Oh.  Well, give it here, then.

One: But…we don't want to lose us again…can't you just make the key while we're still holding it?

Keymaker: No.  Give it here.

One: But…

Clara: Just give it to him, and I'll be your emotional support.

One: But what about _our_ emotional support?

Clara: There's two other people in there, just tell one of them to be his emotional support.

Keymaker: This is only going to take _five minutes!  Why on __earth do they need emotional support for five bloody minutes?_

Clara: You wouldn't get it if I told you, just hang on a moment.

**Inside the NetherCube…**

DVO (Disembodied Voice of One): Us, we have to give the NetherCube to the Keymaker.

Two: Why can't he make the key while we're holding the Cube?

DVO: We don't know, but he said he couldn't.  Clara is being our emotional support.

Two: But we need emotional support too!

Girl: _I'll _be your emotional support!

Two: Okay.  We can give it to him now. *shuts eyes*

One: Okay.  Goodbye…for five minutes, then we can get out. *shuts eyes*

_But then, because his eyes were closed, One missed the Keymaker's hand and accidentally dropped the NetherCube on the floor.  This cut everyone in it off from the real world entirely.  You can imagine how _that_ went over._

Two: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! 

Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Switch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Two: WE NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!!!

Girl: ME TOO!!!

Switch: ME THREE!!!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

_Then, the Keymaker picked the NetherCube up, restoring the tiny, fragile link to the real world._

Keymaker: Are all of you okay in there?

Girl: NO DAMMIT!!!  WE JUST GOT COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THE REAL WORLD, DID YOU THINK WE WERE JUMPING FOR JOY???

Keymaker: I meant the fact that you were just dropped on the floor.

Switch: So _that's_ what happened.

Keymaker: This is such an interesting device…I could study it for years and still fail to unlock all of its secrets…

Two: GET US OUT FIRST BEFORE WE GO INSANE!!!

Girl: Oh, right!  Emotional support! *stands next to Two and radiates emotional support-ness*

_And so the Keymaker spent 4 minutes looking at the NetherCube's program over, then spent one minute making the key.  He opened the Cube, and out came Switch, Two, and Girl. _

One: US!!!

Two: US!!!

Both: WE FOUND US!!!

Clara and Girl: Aaaaawwwww…

Keymaker: It worked!

Switch: What do you mean, 'it worked'?  You mean you didn't know?!

Keymaker: Well, making special keys is not an exact science…

Girl: Oh, so _you're_ the guy who makes keys.

Keymaker: I prefer **The Keymaker**.

Girl: Same bloody thing.

Keymaker: Rawr.

One: Why don't we go upstairs.

Two: We think we will go with us.

One: We have to tell us all about what happened when we were gone.

Two: Then we have to tell us all of the interesting stuff we learned about Smelrond.

Both: Let's go, then. *walk upstairs*

Girl, Clara, and Switch: Wait for us! *run after them*

Keymaker (smiling to himself): If there's _one good thing about living down here in a dank, dark, smelly cell filled with keys, it's that people never stay and bother you for very long. *goes back to working on his keys* My…Preciousssssssesssssss…_

~~~

_A/N: I just could not resist putting that little Gollum reference in there.  And I'm sorry to say it, but this little series is drawing to a close.  Yes, we are all very sad, I know.  _


	14. She's Not?

_Disclaimer: I'm too bloody brain-dead to think of an interesting disclaimer today, so just leave me alone because I don't own anything._

_Answering the reviews now:_

_Megami no Inazumi: Yes, and now there is even more updatedness!_

_Agent Josey: Yes, happy Twins=much rejoicing_

_EverAfter-01: Hmmm…insane authors club…interesting…_

_Alocin: Ooooooooh…well I feel stupid now. I forgot entirely. A sequel? *secretive grin* Maaaaybeeeee… _

_Sentinelsquiddie: Ack, gomen nasai!  I was in a fairly bad mood when I wrote that. I'm sorry about getting your gender wrong, but it was a wild guess as I couldn't have known and it sure sounded like something a guy would write. Lemmings are normal people, and Neko means 'cat' in Japanese, and I have an alter-ego named Neko who is a cat youkai (demon). Chatspeak 'n stuff, well, it annoys the heck out of me and as I said I was already in a bad mood. Once again, gomen nasai! _

_Last time, we got to go see the guy who makes keys, aka the Keymaker.  He managed to get everyone out of the NetherCube, much to the happiness of the Twins.  And now for Chapter 14, which is brought to you by Finales and co, "Finish!"_

**Chapter 14: She's Not?**

_Everyone has run upstairs to the lobby, where Mouse, Trinity, and the Merovingian await them.  They all begin to have conversations._

Trinity (to Switch): …you have _got to hear about what I just made Mouse do…_

One (to Two): …and then she threatened them and they ran like frightened chickens…

Girl (to Clara): …so I started singing 'This is the Song that Never Ends' off-key, and he…

Two (to One): …we played this adjective game called Minister's Cat for 11 ½ hours…

Clara (to Girl): …they were acting like I was some sort of dog until I started whomping them with logic…

Switch (to Trinity): …she knew all _sorts of embarrassing stuff about Smith… _

Mouse (to Merovingian): …and stop staring at me.  I'm not going to take a gun and start shooting everything in sight…

Merovingian: One never knowz what you lunatics will do.  Now go away; you have ze Rebel zat waz trapped.

Trinity: First we have to say goodbye to everyone before we go back to being bitter enemies.

Merovingian: Whatever, juzt hurry it up.

Trinity: Goodbye, One.

Switch: Goodbye, Two.

Mouse: Goodbye, Clara.

All: Goodbye, the One!

Girl: Wait!  Before you go will you _please_ explain this 'the One' thing?!

Trinity: Fine.  The One can alter the Matrix and do all sorts of cool stuff like fly and stop bullets.

Girl: Alter the Matrix…that sounds familiar…oh, yes!  The Agents muttered something like that when they were interrogating me!  Smelrond had just walked in, and then I said I knew who he was and that his name was Smelrond, and he said it was Smith, and I said not any more, and then one of the other Agents said 'She can alter the Agents of the Matrix?  She must be the One we've been searching for'.

Trinity: That's _it_?  I didn't think they were _that stupid…_

Girl: What?

Trinity: You're not the One after all; the Agents were just using seriously flawed logic.

Merovingian: She iz not?  Merde…

Switch: We just went through all that trouble for nothing?

Girl: Actually, I do think I know something about the One, now I think about it…

Everyone: What?

Girl: Since you explained it, I remember one of my friends mentioned someone that could fly in the Matrix, but I wasn't paying much attention because I didn't know what they were talking about.

Everyone: Well?

Girl: It's a guy, and his last name is Anderson.  That's all I know.

Trinity: Yes!  We have a last name! Thanks! *Rebels leave*

Two (telepathically to One): _They were nice.  If we get in a car chase and start shooting at them with a machine gun, we'll have to be sure to miss them._

One (same to Two): _Yeah, but we _can_ try to hit that Morpheus person.  We didn't like him much._

Merovingian: Well, since you are not ze One, you can just go away now.

Girl: Drat.  'Bye Two!  'Bye One!  'Bye Clara!

Two, One, and Clara: Goodbye!

Girl: The only problem is; I've been gone for about 3 days.  My parents are going to kill me when I get back.

Merovingian: I can fix it so zat zey believe you were at one ov zose…sleepover sings…provided zat you leave right now.

Girl: Okay! 'Bye again everyone! *leaves*

~~~

_A/N: And so ends the tale of Girl.  Well, almost anyway.  There will be one last chapter, an epilogue of sorts.  It's because I've always hated it when books end and you're like, 'Okay, _now_ what happens to them?'.  _


	15. Epilogue

_Disclaimer: For the 15th and final time, I only own Girl!  And the NetherCube, of course. *dances about yelling 'NetherCube' over and over*_

_I got reviews to answer!_

_Agent Josey: Well, thankfully you won't have to rampage my house._

_Bloodredcherry: Heeheehee, read the A/N at the bottom.  I think that you will be very pleased._

_Alocin: Like I told Bloodredcherry, read the A/N._

_Cat aka Moonlily: This is the last update, sadly. I'm glad you like it though!_

_Lady of Mirkwood: You have it printed out? O_o_

_Sentinelsquiddie: I'm glad that I am forgiven, and happy that you liked the chapter!_

_Last time, we finished the story.  Everyone found out that Girl was not the One after all, but she told them that she knew that the real One's last name was Anderson.  Then she had to leave and go home, and there the story ended *sadness*.  Now for the tying-of-loose-ends chapter, which will be done in the style of movie credits! (you know, the like ones with little tiny animations on the side that tell you stuff that happens after the 'end') IMPORTANT NOTE: The first little…thingy contains spoilers to the 1st two movies (of course, if you haven't seen them you must be horribly confused by now). You have been duly warned, and cannot yell at me now.  Also, I have not seen the 3rd movie, so that one may be somewhat incorrect, but whatever.  Chapter 15 is brought to you by Various Other Good Movies, "We provide plenty of fun scenes and quotes to adapt to your own fanfic!"_

**Chapter 15: Epilogue**

_Pretend that this was a movie which just ended. The 'screen' fades to black, and the credits begin rolling_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl played by ieva

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_A picture comes up; it is Girl sitting in school, talking with two of her friends._

Friend #1: And furthermore, the Twins did _not die, they ghosted!  Even if they don't show up anymore after that!_

Girl: The Twins…die? *thinks of One and Two*

Friend #1: NO THEY DIDN'T, THEY GHOSTED AT THE LAST SECOND!!!

Friend #2: Apoc and Switch and Mouse do die, though.

Girl: *eyes get big* They do?

Friend #2: Yeah, Cypher kills 'em.

Girl: Does Trinity die too?

Friend #1: Nope.

Girl: (looks at her feet for a bit, slightly creeped by the fact that several of the people she just met died, but then eyes light up suddenly) Does Smelrond die?

Friend #1: Nah.  He sorta does in the first movie, but then he comes back.

Friend #2: Say, when did you learn so much about the Matrix?  Did you see the movie finally?

Girl: *thinks fast* No, I, uh…picked it up from you guys.  By the way…could you explain to me what the Matrix is?  I've been wondering, you see…

_The picture fades to be replaced by the next little credit thingy._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trinity played by herself

Switch played by herself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_A new picture comes up, of Trinity and Switch in the Construct._

Trinity: Apoc, I need a phone/address book of all the men with the last name Anderson in the world.

Switch: Are you sure this method is going to work?

Trinity: Sure it will.  We'll just stalk them one at a time until we find the right one.  After all, how many Andersons can there possibly _be_?

_A phonebook that is 5 feet high and 3 feet wide and written in small font with super thin pages appears in front of them._

Switch: You were saying?

Trinity: Oh, shut up. We'll go in alphabetical order.  Lessee…we'll start by stalking Abbin Anderson.

Switch: *thinking* _We're going to be doing this for the rest of our miserable lives…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twins played by themselves

Keymaker played by himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The new picture shows the Keymaker diligently working on his keys._

Keymaker: So bright, so beautiful…my Preciousssssessssss… *hears someone knocking on the door* Oh, now what do they want? *walks outside, but nobody seems to be there* Stupid vampires and their bloody pranks…*turns around to see the Twins standing there* Oh, hello.

Two: *grins evilly and pulls out NetherCube* Didn't you want to study this?

Keymaker: Why, yes, thank you for bringing it to me.

One: *also grinning evilly* Didn't you think it was simply fascinating when you dropped it on the floor and we got cut off from the real world?

Keymaker: Yes, quite fascinating.  If you and the girl hadn't been so insistent on opening it, I would have kept it and spent so much time observing the ones inside the cube, but then you made me take them out, so… *Keymaker is sucked inside the NetherCube by Two*

Two: *grinning even more evilly* Now you can study the reactions all you want.  And you can see what happens when we fascinatingly drop it on the floor. *drops*

Keymaker (from inside): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

One and Two: Meeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apoc played by himself

Mouse played by himself

Morpheus played by, you guessed it, himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The next picture shows the Nebuchadnezzar docked at Zion, with Apoc and Mouse guarding the dock (I know this wouldn't actually happen, but just work with me here).  Tank and Dozer  walk up, although as they have not joined the crew yet, Apoc and Mouse do not know who they are._

Apoc: Hey, this dock is off limits to civilians.

Tank: So sorry.

Dozer: If we see some, we'll let you know. *both walk forward, but are stopped again by Apoc and Mouse*

Mouse: _You're_ civilians!

Tank: Oh.  Well, I have a question.  Why does this dock merit special attention?

Apoc: The Nebuchadnezzar is the best ship there is, and nobody's smarter than Morpheus.

Dozer: I've heard of someone!  *leans forward* The Architect.

Apoc: Heh, there isn't anyone _real who's smarter than Morpheus._

Mouse: The Architect is real, though.

Apoc: No, no he's not.

Mouse: Yes he is, I saw him on an old viewscreen in the tunnels.

Apoc: You saw a program with a white suit who designed the entire Matrix and is so pigheaded that even his own creations go rebel against him?

Mouse: No…but he _was_ wearing a white suit.

Apoc: Oh; so no program wearing a white suit couldn't _possibly not be the designer of the entire Matrix and so pigheaded that even his own creations go rebel against him, and therefore couldn't _possibly_ be anyone other than the Architect?_

Mouse: Well…no…

Apoc: No.  See, there's no _real_ person who's smarter than Morpheus *turns to where Tank and Dozer where, but they are gone, and about to walk onto the ship*

Mouse: HEY!  Stop right there!

Tank: *whirls around* Terribly sorry; it's just such a pretty scrap heap- *is kicked inconspicuously by Dozer* I mean ship!

Apoc: What're your names?

Dozer: Dozer.

Tank: Tank.

Apoc: Well then, _Mister_ Dozer and _Mister_ Tank, what's your purpose on this dock?

Mouse: And no lies!

Tank: We just came to apply for a bloody job here.

Apoc: Oh.  All right then, I'll take you to Morpheus.  Mouse, you stay here and keep the dock off limits to civilians.

Mouse: *muttering* I always have to guard the bloody dock…

_The scene changes to a small office, with Morpheus sitting behind a desk.  Apoc leads Tank and Dozer in, then leaves._

Morpheus: So, why are you here?

Dozer: We have come to join your crew.

Morpheus: Well, now…I have a question for the both of you then.  

Tank: Fire away.

Morpheus: Do you have the courage and fortitude to stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?

Dozer: Yes.

Tank: Yes.

Morpheus: All right, you're in.  You can help Cypher with his job; we'll be able to keep him locked in his room more often.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Agent Smith played by himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The new picture contains Smelrond and another Agent chasing after Mouse in some alley._

Smith: You cannot escape, Rebel!

Random Agent: There is no escape from us!

Smith: And once we've captured you, we'll torture you until you reveal the location of your captain, who we will then capture and torture until he reveals the code to get into Zion!

Mouse: You can't do that, Smith!

Smith: Why not?

Mouse: Because you're Moonbeam the Truce Fairy, remember?

Random Agent: What is he talking about, Smith? *turns to Smith, who has stopped dead in his tracks*

Smith: How could he have known about…

Random Agent: About what, Smith?

Smith: Nothing!  Nothing at all!

Mouse: *escapes, laughing his head off*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clara played by megami no inazumi

Merovingian played by himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The new picture shows Clara trying to teach the Merovingian how to play Ocarina of Time, and not having much luck._

Merovingian: Ze stupid leetle green boy won't let meh past!

Clara: That's because you need to do something else _first, sir._

Merovingian: I don't care, he should let meh past because I am ze Merovingian!

Clara: Not in the game you're not.

Merovingian: Wait, zat gives meh an idea! I will simply reprogram ze game to let meh through _now_!

Clara: But sir, you still need to get your swor-

Merovingian: Not now, I am busy.  Ah, zere we go! 

Kokiri Guard Person (robot voice): All hail the Merovingian; he may pass and take all my Rupees while he's at it. *stands aside from path*

Merovingian: Zere, you see?  Simple as zat *snaps fingers and (in the game) starts walking down the path.* I will be a mazter in no time at all…AAAAA!!!  WHAT ZE HELL IZ ZAT SING?!?

Clara: That would be a Deku Scrub, sir.  It's an enemy.  You need to use your sword to kill it.

Merovingian: I DON'T HAVE A SWORD UND ZE ENEMY IZ KILLING _MEH!!!_

Clara: That was why the Kokiri wouldn't let you past.  You needed to get a sword and shield first.  There are pretty good reasons for _most _of the annoying things in this game, you know.  Oh, too late, you were just killed.

Merovingian: Zat sing _muzt_ have been ze boss, right?  

Clara (thinking): _That was the weakest monster in the whole bloody game, sir._

Merovingian: Now, how do I hold zis controller sing again?

Clara (thinking): _I'm doomed._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angnor played by Angus

Connus played by Connor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_The picture changes again, and the new scene is of Angnor and Connus hanging upside-down from the roof of a cave.  They are tightly wrapped in spider-thread except for their heads._

Connus: This is _entirely_ your fault.

Angnor: How is it _my_ fault?

Connus (sarcastic mimicking voice): 'Oh, lets code ourselves inside that new Lord of the Rings game!  It'll be _fun_ and _exciting!' Well, this isn't very much fun, now is it?!? _

Angnor: Well, it's sure exciting, right?

Connus: *tries to attack Angnor, but all that happens_ is some slight swinging motion*_

Angnor:  Uh, oh…

Connus: *still trying to swing to Angnor* Uh oh…is right!  As soon…as I can…reach you…you're going…to be dead!

Angnor: Ummm…not that.

Connus:  Well, what then?

Angnor: Shelob's back, and she's looking rather hungry…

_Then, the 'screen' fades into black one last time, and you know that it's over completely.  As you turn to leave, however, one last word appears in the blackness, written in bright green letters._

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**_FIN_**

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_A/N: Yep, that's it.  The end.  It's over now.  As I said up there, fin.  But feel free to keep reviewing; reviews make me happy, and as of now they are 'special'.  Since a bunch of you have asked me for a sequel, there WILL be one. *and there was much rejoicing* If you really, really, really want to see something in the sequel (that is NOT slash or romance or self-insertion), say so in your review, and I'll do my best to work it into the plot. ALSO, tell me if you want me to write it all at once and update every day, or write one chapter at a time and take longer between updates (if I write it all at once it will take at least a month).   ALSO ALSO: The sequel will take place sometime between the end of Matrix and the beginning of Reloaded, meaning that some of the much beloved characters from this fic will be missing *cries*, but there will be some new faces too, like Neo (muahahaha…), new-and-not-much-improved Exile Smelrond,  and some new Neb crew members that will come out of my own head (it's no fun if there's only three, after all).  There's also no Dozer and no Tank, because for the life of me I can't work them into the plot properly.  There, all finished with that.  If you actually stuck with me this far, then I would like to tell you something………wait for it………oh, yes.  May the Force be with you always, according to the Prophecy!!!_


End file.
